IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the best way to solve global environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's fast-paced era, environmental issues have become a global concern. There is considerable debate regarding whether an increase in the cost of
fuel
Use synonyms
 can mitigate the concern or not.
Although
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this
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 scenario can discourage the public from
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 private vehicles, I firmly contend that
factories
Use synonyms
 can still play a significant role in environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, a rise in
fuel
Use synonyms
cost
Check wording
costs
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 can deter
people
Use synonyms
 from using their personal transport. It will probably become expensive, which makes it out of reach
from
Change preposition
for
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 many of them.
Consequently
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,
this
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 can stimulate them to use the public transportation
that is
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much
Rephrase
more
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 affordable and reliable.
For example
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,
due to
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war
Correct article usage
the war
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 between Iran and America, the supply of
fuel
Use synonyms
 is significantly decreasing, which makes it extorbitant.
As a result
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 in India have started to adopt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation. From
this
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 perspective, it can be seen in the
deline
Replace the word
delineation
 of usage of the private
vehciles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
.
On the other hand
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, I believe that some
factories
Use synonyms
 can not only contribute to atmospheric
pollution
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 contaminate the water. They frequently release effluents into rivers and smoke into the air, which can be responsible
of
Change preposition
for
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 air and water
pollution
Use synonyms
 as well. To exemplify, numerous studies indicate that the main reason behind the
atmosphere
Replace the word
atmospheric
 degradation is
factories
Use synonyms
, which open almost every day.
Thereby
Correct word choice
Therefore
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, the atmosphere problem can not be solved by increasing the price of
fuel
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, even though the high cost of fuels can dissuade
people
Use synonyms
 from using their private vehicles, I wholeheartedly think that
factories
Use synonyms
 often
dischage
Correct your spelling
discharge
 their
wastage
Check wording
waste
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, which can escalate the environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
. Ultimately, if
fuel
Use synonyms
 price is raised, the big firms cannot stop
to degrade
Wrong verb form
degrading
show examples
 the atmosphere.
Thus
Linking Words
, it can halt only the ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 from using personal transport.

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task response
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. Say clearly why you disagree and how far.
task response
Add one more clear idea about other ways to solve world environmental problems, not only fuel price and factories.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more closely linked to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences simpler and clearer so each paragraph has one main focus.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts jump too fast.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
Both body paragraphs stay on the main topic of pollution and fuel cost.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well to separate two sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • emissions
  • alternative energy
  • conservation
  • mitigate
  • renewable energy technologies
  • affordability
  • collective action
  • innovation in energy efficiency
  • global cooperation
  • environmental measures
  • pollution
  • economic disparity
  • revenue
  • sustainable development
  • environmental sustainability
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