IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people around the world are choosing move to live in cities. What problems do people experience in big cities? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller towns and how should they do this?

The world has changed drastically in the
last
Linking Words
 few decades, and
people
Use synonyms
started
Verb problem
have started
show examples
 choosing to live in urban
cities
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of rural towns.
This
Linking Words
 has many disadvantages that
effects
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they have to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem and take it seriously, so what are the problems of the high population in big
cities
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 how should the
government
Use synonyms
 react to them? On the
first
Correct determiner usage
one
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 hand, there are many issues faced when a high density of
people
Use synonyms
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
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 in one urban city.
First,
Linking Words
the area tends to get really crowded even when it isn't rush hour.
This
Linking Words
 can increase accedents
therefore
Linking Words
 applying more pressure on hospitals.
Second,
Linking Words
because the city is
over crowded
Correct your spelling
overcrowded
, it would become difficult for a normal number of trash cans to withstand
large
Correct article usage
the large
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 population's waste.
In addition
Linking Words
, many underestimate the
damages
Check wording
damage
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 that noise pollution causes to them.
Finally
Linking Words
, crime rates are common in
cities
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many
researches
Check wording
studies
show examples
 have
conducted
Verb problem
shown
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 that the average crime rates in a USA urban city
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to be extremely high compared to other
more
Punctuation problem
, more
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 manageable places.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many things that the
government
Use synonyms
 can do to tackle these obstacles.
However
Linking Words
, the best solution is to convince
people
Use synonyms
 to move out of big
cities
Use synonyms
, and there are a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of methods to do that.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 providing individuals with better jobs in rural areas. The main reason why
people
Use synonyms
 migrate to big
cities
Use synonyms
 is to find better job opportunities.
In addition
Linking Words
, providing amenities in rural areas and not making these amenities exclusive in limited places.
Also
Linking Words
, governments should provide affordable transportation methods to
people
Use synonyms
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 trains and taxies between towns, and make it easy to visit friends and family who live in other towns. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are multiple problems
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 moving
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 urban areas.
However
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has the ability to convince
people
Use synonyms
 to move to rural
vilages
Correct your spelling
villages
 and tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue easily.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about city problems and government action, but your view on whether governments should encourage people is not fully clear all the time.
task response
Give more clear support for each main idea. Some points are listed fast, so they need a little more explanation.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more exact. The crime example is useful, but it is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some linking is not smooth, and a few ideas jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words and sentence order. For example, some lines like 'On the first hand' and 'Such as' are not used in the best way.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You give several relevant problems of big city life, like crowding, waste, noise, and crime.
task response
You suggest practical government steps, like jobs, services, and transport in small towns.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'First', 'Second', 'In addition', and 'Finally'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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