IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

It is
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
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 that
spically
Correct your spelling
specifically
 in the initial
of
Check wording
stages of
show examples
Use synonyms
studies
Punctuation problem
studies,
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music
Use synonyms
 is predominant
as
Change preposition
over
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 other subjects. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 since it helps to
students
Use synonyms
 learn more
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as they can learn numbers
Correct word choice
, and
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also
Linking Words
 they can enjoy
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the subjects without having stress. I gonna discuss these viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs with my opinion. There are multifarious benefits of
music
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,
it's helps to instants
Correct word order
it helps to instantly
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 learn
acedemic
Correct your spelling
academic
studies
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as they learn numerically by counting. Even
it
Correct word choice
though it
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 helps in
learnin
Correct your spelling
learning
 alphabets through playing
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when they listen
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to songs
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songs
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songs,
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 they
started
Wrong verb form
start
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 enjoying in which their body starts to move
and
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, and
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 they
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 more because they feel more productive.
For example
Linking Words
, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom, in the early
stage
Check wording
stages
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 of
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studies
Add a comma
studies,
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 teachers do not put pressure on them regarding their performance in
studies
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even
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, even
show examples
they
Correct word choice
though they
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 them to grow with the help of
music
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. Apart from that, some
students
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 are not
well
Verb problem
doing well
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 in academic
studies
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. To justify it more, some children are not able to do their best in class
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 they can get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to find their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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.
Linking Words
Due to
Change preposition
Music
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music
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 is a social activity in which, when they indulge
themselves
Punctuation problem
themselves,
show examples
 they come to know
either
Correct word choice
whether
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 they can do their best in
studies
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 or in social activities. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they can grow.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Germany, with the help of
Use synonyms
music
Add a comma
music,
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 come to know about their talent
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
 they can make their future with other subjects or
music
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. They got success earlier. In my opinion, if children get
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 to learn through
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music
Punctuation problem
music,
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 they can learn more because some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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 cannot perform well in their owing to interest. They can
bright
Replace the word
brighten
 their future in other fields in which
music
Use synonyms
 is very helpful.

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task response
Give a more clear answer in the first part. Say directly that you agree, and why.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main part have one clear main idea only.
task response
Explain your examples more. Show how music helps children learn in a real way.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and clear way, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
Some ideas are good, but they are not fully clear. Add one or two simple details to support each point.
coherence and cohesion
The ending is present, but it should repeat your main answer more clearly.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples from real countries.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic order in your writing, so the reader can follow your main points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preschool level
  • early childhood
  • as important as
  • basic skills
  • learning through play
  • memory
  • listening skills
  • language development
  • social skills
  • work with others
  • take turns
  • self-expression
  • feelings
  • confidence
  • balanced education
  • support learning
  • body control
  • group activities
  • creative development
  • well-rounded growth
What to do next:
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