IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional culture must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompartiable - you can not have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most people think that depelopement of
technology
Use synonyms
 may affect traditional culture in
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 way.
However
Linking Words
,
technology
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 can be used as a tool for preserving cultural values
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
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 it is materialistic or
non-materialistuc
Correct your spelling
non-materialistic
. I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement that
technology
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 and tradition are
incompartiable
Correct word choice
incompatible
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. In my opinion, the
developement
Correct your spelling
development
 of
technology
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 saved
abundant
Replace the word
an abundance
 of
tradition
Check wording
traditions
show examples
 from
disapperaing
Correct your spelling
disappearing
 permanently.
For instance
Linking Words
, weaving carpets was
under the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 danger of
existing
Verb problem
disappearing
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 in rural places in my country.
This
Linking Words
 job required
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 amount of energy, time, and physical strength, which must
be
Verb problem
apply
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last
Linking Words
 for several hours
in
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apply
show examples
a day, which
leaded
Wrong verb form
led
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 most women to stop working in
this
Linking Words
 area.
Although
Linking Words
by
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apply
show examples
implementing the
technology
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into
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in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 area made weaving carpet easier and saved physical efforts by humans. One more example, most world languages were not demolished, because they are saved in
computers
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computer
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 memories or published as books
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 at least were recorded with the help of
technology
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. In conclusion,
technology
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 and
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
 culture are not
danger
Change preposition
in danger
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to
Change preposition
of
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 each other.

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task response
Give your main view in a more direct way in the first part, and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear idea on how technology can help culture, and explain it step by step.
task response
Use examples with more detail, so the reader can see how your idea works.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one, and remove parts that repeat the same point.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion.
task response
You used examples about carpets and languages, which are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, such as 'however', 'for instance', and 'in conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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