IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People should be encouraged to buy only domestic products, not foreign products. Other people think we should be able to buy what we prefer. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is believed that we should be encouraged to buy only local
products
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instead
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 of importing them from other countries. Another statement provides the
idea
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 that people should have an opportunity to buy what they prefer. Both opinions have their own advantages and disadvantages, and in my opinion, the second one sounds more fetching. Nowadays, the government widely spreads the
idea
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 that citizens have to support their country’s production and choose local
products
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. That belief has a huge potential
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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is
Verb problem
apply
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obviously means supporting the country and local businesses.
Moreover
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, sometimes it means to spend less money on delivery
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as
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, as
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 well as spend less time. Though
,
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apply
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 customers prefer to order
products
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 from different marketplaces because it could be cheaper than in local shops.The primary drawback of that
idea
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 is that cheap foreign
products
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 mean cheap foreign labour
what
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 includes different violations against humanity and
disrespectful
Correct article usage
a disrespectful
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 attitude towards workers. Another point of view accounts for
that
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the fact that
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 people should have an opportunity to buy whatever they want without any obstacles.
This
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 sounds very good because everyone has personal preferences and needs. Sometimes, it occurs that the needed product is not in our country, and it would be better to just order it and get what you want
instead
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 of looking for
substitudes
Correct your spelling
substitutes
.
However
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, in that
case
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case,
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 there are a lot of positive sides
,
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;
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 the main problem is still tentativeness in the quality of
product
Correct article usage
the product
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 and
guarantee
Correct article usage
the guarantee
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 that you will receive your package without losing it during delivery. In conclusion, support country’s businesses is crucial
but
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, but
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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 the possibility to choose is
also
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 very important.
Moreover
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, buying something made in your hometown is still a preference, so the main
idea
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 of
that is
Linking Words
 to give people the right to choose.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You discuss both views, but some ideas are short.
task response
Give a clearer opinion. Your view is present, but it should be stronger and more direct in the body too.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader follow your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few ideas do not connect well inside the paragraph.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, such as 'Moreover', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • durability
  • sustainability
  • longevity
  • affordability
  • consumerism
  • waste
  • environmental impact
  • value for money
  • customer satisfaction
  • brand loyalty
  • consumption
  • economic growth
What to do next:
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