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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, an increasing number of couples are choosing not to have any child. Why is it so? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend for couples choosing not to have any child?

In the contemporary era, a growing number of couples are losing
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
interest in having a child.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the causative factors behind the scenario, and some pros and cons are
also
Linking Words
 mentioned.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the prominent reasons is competition among people.
This
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 is because they want to focus only on their career, so they can be promoted easily.
This
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 notion can leave a little room to focus on their personal responsibilities.
For example
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, some studies show that 30% women engage in their professional commitments rather than focusing on their family. The second reason is
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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 lifestyle. The majority of couples are in the habit of drinking alcohol
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and consuming other harmful ingredients;
consequently
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, the fertility
rate
Use synonyms
 is reduced in some of them. When their doctors suggest
them to
Correct word choice
that they
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 avoid the products to improve their
rate
Use synonyms
, they find it
hardships
Correct word choice
hard
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 to give up.
However
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, one disadvantage is a decline in the population
rate
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. Children are the future of every nation because they generally contribute to the nation's economic growth in different ways
when
Correct word choice
as
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 they grow up.
For example
Linking Words
, adults usually play a role in different sectors,
such
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 as technology, the medical system and many other fields. A reduction in the population means slowing down the progress in
such
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 sectors. When it comes to advantages,
this
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 trend can lead to financial stability. Couples usually have to save a large amount of money for their children for different
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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,
such
Linking Words
 as education, marriage and other expenses. They can spend their income on their aspirations, namely travel, hobbies and career development.
To conclude
Linking Words
, professional commitments and a reduction in fertility are the main
culprit
Fix the agreement mistake
culprits
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 for not being able
parents
Verb problem
to be parents
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. I think that
this
Linking Words
 trend can
decline
Verb problem
decrease
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 the population
rate
Use synonyms
, which is the disadvantages, and they can save their money for their own aspirations, which is
the benefits
Check wording
a benefit
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.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. Say why couples do not want children, then give both good and bad points for the couples, not only for society.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Some ideas are too general, so explain them with one clear reason and one clear result.
task response
Use examples that fit the question better. Your example about 30% of women is not clear because it is not linked strongly to choosing no child.
coherence and cohesion
Organize each body paragraph around one main topic. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Some words like 'This notion' and 'When it comes to advantages' feel weak. Use simple clear links like 'First', 'Another reason', 'One advantage', and 'One disadvantage'.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short clear explanation. Do not move too fast from one idea to the next.
task response
You answer the question and talk about reasons, advantages, and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'To begin with', 'However', and 'To conclude'.
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