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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays more and more people are deciding to have kids later in life. Some say that it is still better to have kids at a young a age discuss both views.

Today,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is a better decision to have
kids
Use synonyms
 at an early age. Others argue
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 a better option to have
children
Use synonyms
 later in
life
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 a better option to postpone
children
Use synonyms
 because they can reach
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 level of education to protect their
kids
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. On the one hand,
individuals
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 who decided to have
kids
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 when they
still
Verb problem
were still
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are
Verb problem
apply
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very young
people
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, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 often feel frustrated because they have not
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 their educational goals in
life
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, so they do not feel ready to take responsability of their
kids
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. More importantly, many of these young minds do not have a job, so they feel depressed for not having enough money to provide basic items to their
babies
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.
As a result
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, these young parents do not spend time with their
kids
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 because
this
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 situation is so hard for them to deal with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
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, in the United States, it is
commun
Correct your spelling
common
 that adolescents have
babies
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, and they are not the ones who pay for their
children
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's expenses.
Moreover
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is usual that their
gran-parents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
 support these
kids
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. I do not support the idea of having
babies
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 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 age because these young
individuals
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 do not take full responsability of their
kids
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.
On the other hand
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,
individuals
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 who decided to postpone
to have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 their
kids
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 later in
life
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, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 usually reach
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
 level of education, so they feel
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
mature
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people
Check wording
enough
show examples
 to have
children
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.
Also
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, these citizens usually decide to have one
of
Correct word choice
or
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 two
children
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 to offer them a better
life
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. On top of
this
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, they usually have a house before having
kids
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, so these
children
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 enjoy a more
balance
Replace the word
balanced
 environment.
For example
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,
kids
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who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 parents wait until they reach their goals, these
children
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 usually have a single room
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each one, and they have the privilege
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 a pet. I believe
this
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 is a
prefereble
Correct your spelling
preferable
 way of bringing
children
Use synonyms
 into
this
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 world
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they do not suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time and love.
To conclude
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,
although
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 many young adolescents decided to have
babies
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 when they
still
Verb problem
are still
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 young minds who are not able to
sustent
Correct your spelling
sustain
 a kid, there are other
individuals
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 who decided to reach their high
poitential
Correct your spelling
potential
 and reach a more balanced
life
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 before having
children
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. I strongly believe it is
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 option to have
kids
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 later in
life
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, so these young
people
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 can afford a more balanced
life
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
kids
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk more about one side than the other side.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph with one simple topic sentence.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more direct. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check each sentence so it is easy to follow. Some sentences are too long and not clear.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more. Some points are good, but they need more support.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to see in most parts.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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