IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and females student in every subject .to what extent you agree or disagree give reasons for answers and include any relevance examples for from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, a growing
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of views
required
Verb problem
have been required
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Change preposition
for
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gender
Use synonyms
equalization
Replace the word
equality
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in all learning sectors.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all educational settings should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sex in consideration to apply it as admission standards. I totally disagree with the statement above because some career
search
Fix the agreement mistake
searches
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 for special
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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,
such
Linking Words
 as academic
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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specific
Hand on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
 skills
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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lift the
Verb problem
prioritise
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gender
Use synonyms
part
Check wording
apply
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as
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
a last
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 priority. The first reason
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the academic grade
as
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 crucial
contribution
Replace the word
contributing
 factor in acceptance is
companies
Correct word choice
that companies
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 look for
the
Correct article usage
an
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 initiative student that able to achieve high
expectation
Check wording
expectations
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 of outcome. Recent research and
statistic
Check wording
statistics
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 have
approved
Verb problem
proven
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 that
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 Intellectual rate in
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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 is one of the key factors for success by
utilizing
Change the spelling
utilising
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 their knowledge additional to critical
thinking
Punctuation problem
thinking,
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 to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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institutional issues. In terms of practical skills, consider the second vital role for employment
fundamental
Replace the word
fundamentals
 where the vast majority of the work environment
ask for
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 it.
In other words
Linking Words
, some jobs
,
Verb problem
are
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 not suitable for women
due to
Linking Words
 high physical effort, which females cannot afford
it
Punctuation problem
,
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 and
moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of heavy jobs can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women in
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 way
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
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work related
Correct your spelling
work-related
 injuries or complications
such
Linking Words
 as back pain and disc prolapse.
Additional
Change preposition
In addition
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 to
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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 point
some
Punctuation problem
, some
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 jobs like construction work depend on 80% of males and only 20% of females in
building
Correct article usage
the building
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 process
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 fact
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
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 on
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
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 ability to tolerate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hard task activities. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 every carrier
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 substantial factors
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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limitation
Check wording
limitations
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 in admission procedures rely on physical and mental strength
contorary
Correct your spelling
contrary
to
gender
Use synonyms
 diversity in all workplace
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
university
Correct article usage
the university
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 should
unified
Wrong verb form
unify
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this
Linking Words
 factor as
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 general routine for job or study
application
Check wording
applications
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 rather than
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 chance for
gender
Use synonyms
type
Check wording
types
show examples
.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more clearly. Your view is clear, but some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Use more direct examples to support each main point. The example about hard jobs is useful, but it is not enough for the whole essay.
task response
Keep your main idea focused on university subjects, not only jobs and companies.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words clearly, like First, Second, For example, However, and Therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some parts are hard to follow.
task response
You gave a clear opinion: you disagree with the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to add an example about construction work to support your point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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