IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

It is often argued that
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as doctors, nurses and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should earn
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 salaries than celebrities like athletes and entertainers. From my perspective, it seems convincing since they devote themselves to making our society
liveable
Use the right word
livable
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, I accept that celebrities deserve
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 salaries
due to
Linking Words
 their short-lived careers.
Firstly
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, most pop stars need to spend countless hours in the studio in order to record new music. When they have
world
Correct article usage
a world
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 tour, they have to travel to several countries to perform and promote their music to their fans.
For example
Linking Words
, a famous band called Black Pink holds concerts
in
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the world and has visited more than 70 countries
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 5 years. Even if they were ill or injured, they kept their head down.
Thus
Linking Words
, it seems impossible for them to continue the job for a long time.
Also
Linking Words
, athletes can not enjoy their personal lives to win competitive tournaments. They need to train hard every day since they were childhood. Despite their effort, they tend to retire in their mid-30s
due to
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 their weak competitiveness.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that medical staff and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should receive more respect and income. First of all, it is commonly seen that medical staff give up their personal lives
while
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 working 24 hours in the hospital. In general, there are much more patients than the number of medical staff in many countries, so a lot of patients line up to get treatment.
For example
Linking Words
, during the pandemic, they do not mind risking their lives to help patients recover. They were exposed to the fatal virus and worked in the scorching heat.
As a result
Linking Words
, they contribute to reducing the mortality rates even if they have to sacrifice themselves.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most
teachers
Use synonyms
 try hard to provide quality education to their students. Especially, students from socially isolated backgrounds need education to escape from poverty. By using their time, effort and knowledge,
teachers
Use synonyms
 help students become well-educated and get a decent job in the future. In conclusion, despite the fact that celebrities devote themselves to their jobs,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 doctors, nurses and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be considered more vital for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society’s well-being.
Hence
Linking Words
, the public should show respect to them since we can live well thanks to them.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly by saying how much you agree, not only that your view seems convincing.
task response
Add one more clear reason why teachers, doctors, and nurses should be paid more.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and clearly linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a more simple order so each part has one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but a few parts feel too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects well to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words like more salaries, personal lives, and devote themselves too often.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body parts, and conclusion.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic from start to end.
task response
You give reasons and examples for both sides.
coherence and cohesion
The last part clearly shows your final view.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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