IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that social media has made communication between people worse. Others believe it has improved communication. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today’s modern world, social
media
Use synonyms
 has become a topic of significant debate,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe it brings various benefits, others argue that it
also
Linking Words
 presents several challenges. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion
at the end
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. One significant reason why social
media
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 can
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a negative effect on
communication
Use synonyms
 between
people
Use synonyms
worse
Verb problem
is worse
show examples
. The main impact is
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 as most of the
people
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 use social
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media
Punctuation problem
media,
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 they
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to message rather than
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
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 in
person
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before
Punctuation problem
. Before the
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online platform
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people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 preferred to call or meet in
person
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 now we only
text
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.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 research shows that many young
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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avoid to call there parents
they
Punctuation problem
; they
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 only prefer to
text
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.
Therefore
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the
Punctuation problem
,
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social
media
Use synonyms
 has made
communication
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 between
people
Use synonyms
 worse.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the other hand, social
media
Use synonyms
 has
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 positive effect on
communication
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. The main impact is that as most
people
Use synonyms
 are using online platform have many
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to
communicated
Wrong verb form
communicate,
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like texting, video calling and normal calling
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 social
media
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had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 made
communication
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 very easy
we
Correct word choice
, so we
show examples
 can communicate with
people
Use synonyms
 very easily
to others
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 research
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that social
media
Use synonyms
 has made
communication
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smooth before
Punctuation problem
smoother. Before
show examples
 social
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media
Punctuation problem
media,
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 when we
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 to communicate with call or letter
now
Punctuation problem
now,
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 we can
text
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 or video call.
,
Correct word order
Thus,
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thus
Linking Words
 social
media
Use synonyms
 made
communication
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 very convenient In conclusion, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because social
media
Use synonyms
 has many benefits in
communication
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, but because of that
Use synonyms
person
Punctuation problem
, person
show examples
 to
person
Use synonyms
 meet become less
.
Correct word choice
common.
show examples
 There
it has
Verb problem
are
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 some benefits
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 we can call or
text
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, but it
also
Linking Words
 has some cons
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 to
person
Use synonyms
 meet become less.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more clear way. Your view is there, but it should be more direct and stay the same from start to end.
task response
Give more full ideas. Some points are too short, so the reader does not get enough detail.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more real. 'Research shows' is used, but no clear detail is given.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some sentences are hard to follow because of word order and grammar.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are used, but a few parts feel broken or repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it and give one clear example.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion, so you answered the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main topic stays about social media and communication all the way through.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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