IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As cities expand, governments should look forward to creating better networks of public transport available for everyone rather than building more roads for vehicle owning population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a widespread debate between public
transport
Use synonyms
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 more roads for private vehicles among the
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern era.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 private
vechiles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 are very accessible, using public
transport
Use synonyms
 has more positive aspects. So, I strongly agree that public vehicles would be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better investment than building roads for cars.
Firstly
Linking Words
, public
transport
Use synonyms
 like
bus
Check wording
buses
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 can carry
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 at once
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 saves
fuel
Use synonyms
,
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 pollution and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 traffic congestion. The fare for
such
Linking Words
transport
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 fairly cheap, and
this
Linking Words
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 save money on
fuel
Use synonyms
cost
Check wording
costs
show examples
,
as well as
Linking Words
 registration, insurance and services needed for private cars.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is
more
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 safer choice
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
 of any
fuel
Use synonyms
 crisis happening
due to
Linking Words
 global events.
For instance
Linking Words
, the war in the
middle east
Fix capitalization
Middle East
show examples
 right now has created
such
Linking Words
 a panic among
people
Use synonyms
 as the
fuel
Use synonyms
 price has surged rapidly.
However
Linking Words
, personal vehicles like
car
Check wording
cars
show examples
 and
motorbike
Check wording
motorbikes
show examples
 can be very reliable, and it is accessible as you will not need to worry about the specific time, the bus or other public
transport
Use synonyms
 runs.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 travelling is easy with private means of
transport
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 makes traffic bad
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 lose time and money on
this
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, air pollution is another major problem created by the large number of motor
vechiles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 leading to global warming. In conclusion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should look forward to creating better networks of public
transport
Use synonyms
 than private owning vehicels. As we discussed above, I believe that the merits of using public
transport
Use synonyms
 outweigh
the
Correct pronoun usage
those of
show examples
 private
transport
Use synonyms
 in many different areas.
Therefore
Linking Words
, everyone should use public
transport
Use synonyms
 more often
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 buying more cars.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas.
task response
Explain why public transport is better in a deeper way.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Do not put commas after words like while.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order so ideas move in a smooth way.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You include both sides and then give your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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