IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Goverment should contoral the use of fresh water as it limited resources

Fresh
water
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 can enhance
health
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 in our lives. The public sector should manage the consumption of fresh
water
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 significantly because it is a finite resource. I believe that it not only conserves human life but
also
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 avoids wasting
water
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. One of the most significant benefits of fresh
water
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 is that it may save the
health
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 of humans.
This
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 is mainly owing to the fact that it conserves life, which affects humans. It becomes obvious that if
water
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pollution
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 increases, affecting human life, it will probably cause serious issues.
For example
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, in Africa where were increased problems in public
health
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due to
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 the fact that
water
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pollution
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 harmed the
health
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 of their citizens.
As a result
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,
water
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pollution
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 has limited the public healthcare system.
However
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, opponents of the above arguments claim that fresh
water
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 must
considerably
Verb problem
be considerably
show examples
 avoid being wasted to maintain the importance of public well-being. They support their arguments with
this
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 clarification
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 as long as we avoid wasting
water
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, it will probably improve people's
health
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, because it ensures a sufficient supply of clean
water
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 for everyone.
For instance
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, consider the Saudi people who are aware of conserving fresh
water
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.
Therefore
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, conservation affects a high level of income in Saudi Arabia. In conclusion,
although
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water
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pollution
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 limits the efficiency of the public healthcare system, avoiding the wasting of
water
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 contributes positively to income.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why the government should control water use.
task response
Keep your main idea the same in each body part. Now one part talks about health, but the next part changes to income, which is not close to the main topic.
task response
Use examples that fit your point better. The Africa and Saudi examples are not clear enough.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some lines are too general, so the reader cannot fully see your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas easier to follow. Put one clear main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some words like 'however' do not fit the meaning well.
coherence and cohesion
Check how your sentences connect. A few ideas jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Write a clearer conclusion that repeats your main answer to the question.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a short conclusion.
task response
You try to give reasons and examples for your ideas.
task response
The essay stays on the general topic of fresh water.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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