IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opionion.

It is widely known that advertising plays a crucial role in modern business, and without it, consumers would have fewer choices of products.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that individuals are not interested in
advertisements
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 and do not trust them. In my opinion,
while
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 both views have merit, advertising is more beneficial
overall
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. On the one hand, advertising provides valuable information about available products and services.
Firstly
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, it introduces consumers to new and innovative items that they may not have been aware of before.
For example
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,
advertisements
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 help companies present their products in an attractive way, encouraging
people
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 to try new things.
Secondly
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, advertising allows brands to communicate directly with customers, which helps build awareness and increase sales.
As a result
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, businesses can grow and contribute to the economy.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that advertising is not trustworthy or necessary.
Firstly
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,
advertisements
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 are often designed to persuade
people
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 that buying a product will make them happier, which may not always be true.
In addition
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, some individuals feel pressured to follow trends promoted by
advertisements
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, which can negatively affect their personal values and spending habits. In conclusion,
although
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 advertising can sometimes be misleading, I believe it should not be eliminated but rather regulated.
This
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 would ensure that consumers are protected
while
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 still benefiting from the information that advertising provides.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say more about why ads work and why people ignore them.
task response
Your opinion is clear at the end, but say it more strongly in the introduction too.
task response
Use a real and clear example, not only a general one about companies and products.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. Keep this clear 4-part structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some main ideas need more support. Add one more sentence to explain each point.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are good, but do not use too many simple ones in the same way. Try more natural links.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a good order, so the reader can follow them easily.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
task response
Your opinion is balanced and clear in the conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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