IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Most of the individuals opine that
Correct article usage
the masses
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masses relation
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masses' relationship
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 becomes
more
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apply
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stronger with the help of new technology
,
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;
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nevertheless
Linking Words
, others think
,
Correct word choice
that
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people
Use synonyms
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 far more. I believe
,
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apply
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 it is
easiest
Correct article usage
the easiest
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 way of communication, but their
Use synonyms
face to
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
face
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 interactions can be
down
Verb problem
done
show examples
. I gonna discuss these viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one side, with the help of modern
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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people
Use synonyms
 can get in touch with their
love
Replace the word
loved
 ones easily. To justify it more, if someone is living far away from
them
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them,
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such
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 as they are
in
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apply
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outside of
weather
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a weather
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 nation or city. With the help of
smartphones
Add a comma
smartphones,
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 they can see their relationships
by
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apply
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with
single
Correct article usage
a single
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 click. In
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this
Add a comma
this,
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 all
restions
Correct your spelling
relations
 become
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
stronger
and
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, and
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people
Use synonyms
 cannot feel lonely.
For example
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, WhatsApp is
most
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the most
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 useful application not only in one country but
also
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 in most
of
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apply
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nations
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such
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, such
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 as in India,
United
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the United
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kingdom
Fix capitalization
Kingdom
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,
USA
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the USA
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 and other countries
to
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, for
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 making
a
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apply
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video
call
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calls
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend brings few negative impacts as well,
initially
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, if
people
Use synonyms
 spends their to much time on phone calls.
Thus
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, their
Use synonyms
face to
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
face
Use synonyms
 interactions can be disappred owing to
instead
Linking Words
 of going out and
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
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 their friends or family
physically
Punctuation problem
physically,
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 they prefer to see them on video calls. In which
,
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apply
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 they can feel loneliness because when
people
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
do not
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 spend their
with
Check wording
time with
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 someone
special
Punctuation problem
special,
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 they are not able to share their happiness or problems. So, their mental health can be disturbed.
For instance
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, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom, students
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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 rude because they
leave
Verb problem
live
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 miles away from their families
they
Correct word choice
, and they
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 just talk
with
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apply
show examples
on phones despite visiting them.
Thus
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, their behaviour becomes aggressive. In my opinion,
although
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 technology helps us in communication through distinct applications
Punctuation problem
, even
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even yet
Rephrase
apply
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people
Use synonyms
get
Rephrase
still get
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 towards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medical conditions
while
Linking Words
 spending more time on phone calls
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
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 physical meetings.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. Add one more clear idea for each side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the intro and the end. Keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to believe. Explain how each example supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. Do not mix many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well, like First, Also, However, As a result, and In my view.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow, so make the meaning more direct.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples about phone calls, family, and apps to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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