IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that children should be involved in making schools' rules. Some argue that adults should be in charge of making rules. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate regarding whether pupils ought to be
participated
Verb problem
involved
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 in shaping
schools's rule
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schools' rules
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.
While
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 some argue that schools should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
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 and respect students'
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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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, others believe that they should be fully determined by educators.
Therefore
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, ahead of my
opinion
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, I would like to shed light on
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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both
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 viewpoints, provide
comprehensive
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a comprehensive
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 analysis and offer my own perspective. Examining the former
opinion
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, the primary
arguement
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argument
 the supporters would put forward is
accepting
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that accepting
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 learners' standpoints in making
rules
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 would make them more reasonable and objective. It is noteworthy that consulting with adults and
children
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 will help
school
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build school
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rules
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be built
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apply
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from many viewpoints. Thereby they are capable of
sastifying
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satisfying
both
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 teachers and students in schools and not creating a forced learning environment, which
is lack of
Verb problem
lacks
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 comfort and companionship between student-teacher relationships. To
illlustrates
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illustrate
, students may suggest adjustments to homework policies
break
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and break
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 times that suit their learning needs
Futhermore
Punctuation problem
. Furthermore
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,
children
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's involvement in making school laws would not only streamline educators' workflows and enhance operational efficiency, but
also
Linking Words
 raise kids' critical thinking skills and increase their autonomy.
Also
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, when
children
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 feel heard, they are more likely to respect and follow the
rules
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, leading to a more cooperative school environment.
On the contrary
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, those in
favor
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favour
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 of the latter
opinion
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 have their own
arguements
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arguments
.
To begin
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 with, they claim that administrators
posses
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possess
 greater life experiences and
deeper
Correct article usage
a deeper
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 understanding of safety, discipline and educational goals.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, they are better
eqipped ro
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equipped to
 create
rules
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 to maintain
orders
Check wording
order
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 than kids.
Moreover
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,
children
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 may lack the
maturitu
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maturity
 to consider long-term consequences, which is
unappropriate
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inappropriate
 to create
rules
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. In conclusion,
while
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both
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 views have merits, I believe a balanced approach involving
both
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 parties is the most effective.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the ideas are not always fully explained.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use one clear example for each main view. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used, but sometimes they are not natural. Use simple links like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'in conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check the order of ideas inside each paragraph. Put one main idea first, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a basic paragraph plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • engagement
  • relevant
  • reflective
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making
  • experience
  • long-term implications
  • consistent
  • professionally considered
  • lenient
  • biased
  • discipline
  • order
What to do next:
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