IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. Discuss some of the effects of a high population density and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
this
Linking Words
world
Add a comma
world,
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 there are many main towns that are facing
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increasingly extraordinary situation
about
Change preposition
with
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 the
citizen number
Check wording
apply
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extremely
rise
Correct word choice
rapid rise
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.
Change preposition
in the number of citizens.
show examples
As a result
Linking Words
 of the demand of all
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 want to live in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 town
where
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 can give them more opportunities for their life,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the leader of
economics
Replace the word
the economic
 system, the best healthcare, free public transportation or the government’s welfare benefit.
This
Linking Words
 problem dramatically affects
to
Change preposition
apply
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cities’ operation
system
Check wording
systems
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 in many spectrums
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as the issue of
lacking
Replace the word
a lack of
 residents,
the heath
Check wording
health
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 condition concerns, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
usurped resources. The noticeable trouble is
about
Correct word choice
that
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 the housing area is not related to the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of inhabitants.
This
Linking Words
 zone is more
dense
Punctuation problem
dense,
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 causes the uncomfortable feeling and
the
Verb problem
affecting the
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 health of the townspeople. Many studies show that
the
Correct article usage
a
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 person who lives in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 crowded location
will
Verb problem
is more likely to
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 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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diseases
more
Rephrase
apply
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than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one who lives in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 ventilated environment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the impact of insufficient resources in
this
Linking Words
 district makes the people usurp the basic human needs
such
Linking Words
 as food, garments and medicines that could result in cities’ crimes. Regarding many effects
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
show examples
, the social need
solution for
Correct word order
for a solution to
show examples
 stop
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Due to
Linking Words
 a huge issue, the first priority way to solve
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 the lead of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. The prime minister should announce the strict and urgent measures to control the
number
Check wording
spread
show examples
 of
spreading
Replace the word
the
 population,
for example
Linking Words
, the prosperity distribution to rural areas, Immigrant limitation, or the most strict solution is limiting child birth. I believe that all the measurements I raised can fix the density problem in urban
definitely
Check wording
areas definitely
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully: effects and ways to stop the trend.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You talk about both the effects and the solutions.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear ending paragraph with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Some main points are easy to find, like housing and resources.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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