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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of workers from five different European countries that were absent for a day or more due to illness from 1991 to 2001.

This
Linking Words
 chart presents the percentage of absence of employees with
illness
Use synonyms
 in five different countries
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 Germany, Sweden, the United Kingdom, France, and the
Netherlands
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. From 1991 to 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, from 1991 to 2001, the
Netherlands
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 had the greatest amount of
illness
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 absence among other countries;
however
Linking Words
, Germany had the least. At
first,
Linking Words
in 1991. Germany had a
rate
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 of approximatelyrate of 1.5 and kept fluctuating throughout the given years until it reached 2001.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the United Kingdom
also
Linking Words
 had the same fluctuating habit but a different
rate
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, which was around 2.5
workers
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 who were absent
due to
Linking Words
illness
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 from 1991 to 2001. From 1991 to 1995, Sweden experienced a range of absence, which is 3 absent
workers
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;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, from 1995 to 2001, it experienced a sharp increase to a
rate
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 of about 4.5
workers
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 absent
due to
Linking Words
illness
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. throughout the other noted years, Both France and the
Netherlands
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 were completely the opposite. Throughout the given years, France experienced a huge decrease from an amount of 5
workers
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 to about 3 absent
workers
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;
however
Linking Words
, the
Netherlands
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 experienced a huge increase with a
rate
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 of around 3.5 to 5.5 from 1991 to 2001.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words illness, netherlands, rate, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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