IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people today prefer to live in large cities instead of rural areas. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in a city for young adults?

In
this
Linking Words
 period of time,
mostly of
Correct determiner usage
most
show examples
 adolescents would prefer to stay in large
cities
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of rural areas. Its have both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 and drawbacks
by discussion
Replace the word
discussed
 in the following paragraph.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if separate advantages can be have two main point.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
urban
cities
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
facilities which can make life
will be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
easier.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in large
Use synonyms
cities
Punctuation problem
cities,
show examples
 they can
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 co-working
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 which
located
Verb problem
are located
show examples
 in many
place
Use synonyms
 of
cities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can go to
working
Replace the word
work
 or
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
 for free
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have free wifi.
Secondly
Linking Words
, large
cities
Use synonyms
 have many types of public transport that make
Use synonyms
people more convenient
Correct word order
it more convenient for people
show examples
 when they have to travel or go to some
place
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, urban
Use synonyms
place
Correct subject-verb agreement
places
show examples
 have BTS and MRT
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Verb problem
allows
show examples
people
Use synonyms
can go by do not to encounter
Correct word order
to go without encountering
show examples
 traffic
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
 on the road and will be more comfortable.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 not only
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages but
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 two main disadvantages. Regarding
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
drawbacks
Check wording
drawback
show examples
, it was many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 working in urban
and
Check wording
areas, and
show examples
 when they go by taxi or their own
car
Punctuation problem
car,
show examples
 they can
faces
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 traffic
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
 on the road.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 some
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, if
people
Use synonyms
 have to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
hurry
go
Verb problem
to go
show examples
 to
work
Punctuation problem
work,
show examples
 they have to
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 good time management because they can
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 a lot of cars on the road.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
major
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in large
cities
Use synonyms
always
Verb problem
are always
show examples
 be hurry
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
reason that
Verb problem
is why
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who come
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 large
cities
Use synonyms
 have to be rush
all
Change preposition
at all
show examples
 times
if
Punctuation problem
; if
show examples
slow
Punctuation problem
slow,
show examples
 they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can
Rephrase
cannot
show examples
 catch
anythings
Correct your spelling
anything
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, a lot of young
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays prefer to live in large
cities
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of rural areas.
However
Linking Words
, it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 two
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 of advantages and disadvantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as they can
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 a lot of facilities which
make
Verb problem
bring
show examples
 benefits for
people
Use synonyms
 who live in urban
place
Use synonyms
 and they can use public transport
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was BTS and
MRT
Punctuation problem
MRT,
show examples
 to make travel or go to working, studying will be more easier and more convenient.
In contrast
Linking Words
, they have to
faces
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 traffic jam in every
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 during the days
also
Linking Words
 have to br hurry all the time if not be rush will can not
follow
Verb problem
keep up with
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 urban
place
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say what is good and what is bad in a direct way in each body part.
task response
Add one or two more clear ideas about city life for young adults, like jobs, study, cost, stress, or safety.
task response
Use examples that are more exact. For example, say how public transport helps young workers or students save time.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear plan: topic sentence, explanation, example.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like firstly, secondly, however, for example, as a result.
coherence cohesion
Check that each sentence is easy to follow. Some ideas are hard to understand now, so rewrite short and clear sentences.
task response
You answered the question and wrote about both advantages and disadvantages.
task response
You gave real city examples like co-working spaces, BTS, and MRT.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence cohesion
You tried to group ideas by advantages in one part and disadvantages in another part.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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