IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

We can access information from the internet easily. We can access information from the internet easily. Some people say that libraries are no longer necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Throughout the years, accessing information from different sources has changed. Today
any
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, any
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 piece of data can be accessible through the
internet
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.
Due to
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 these
changes
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changes,
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 some
people
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 say that
libraries
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 aren’t necessary. I partially agree with
this
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 statement. On the one hand, the
internet
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 has made learning way more efficient and reachable.
First,
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people
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 no longer have to go to
libraries
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which
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, which
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 can consume time.
Instead
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, the
internet
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 has several e-
books
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 which anyone can access.
Second,
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in
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libraries
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libraries,
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people
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 usually deal with challenges
with
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in
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 finding the right book. Electronic
books
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 can be easily found in a matter of seconds.
Finally
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, many students have research projects,and they tend to go through tons of
books
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 for information. Accessing these
books
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 online can be way
more
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apply
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easier for students to gather research, and less
time consuming
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time-consuming
.
On the other hand
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,
libraries
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 are still important to society
and
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, and
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 it is necessary to have them. To start with, many
people
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 like to visit
libraries
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 for fun and for the environment of the place.
People
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 find peace within the library
and
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, and
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 they enjoy their time there.
Moreover
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, today the
internet
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 has provided e-
books
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,
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however
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apply
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many reading lovers would rather have the hard copy. Many
people
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 dislike e-
books
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,
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; instead,
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instead
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 they like the vibe of sitting in a library and having a hard copy of it.
Furthermore
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, it has been proven that screens have a bad influence on our health if overly consumed.
Libraries
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instead
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 have
books
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 on paper
which
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, which
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 won’t cause any negative impact on
people
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’s health. In conclusion, I think both the
internet
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 and
libraries
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 are important to different parts of society.
Therefore
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, it is just up to a person’s preference on whether they would rather reach out online for knowledge or visit the library.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but later you say it is a personal choice. Keep one clear answer all through the essay.
task response
Add more direct support for your ideas. Some points are good, but they need fuller explanation.
task response
Use one or two real and clear examples, such as students using online journals or old people using library space.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this strong plan.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel repeated or too simple in connection.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea and then explain it step by step.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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