IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people think that it is best to accept the situation,
such
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 as work which does not bring joy or financial struggle,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is essential to try to
change
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 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better course of
life
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. I personally think it is definitely better to try to
change
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 the unsatisfactory situation and do
one
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's best to
change
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one
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's
life
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. On the
one
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 hand, some believe that accepting the difficult financial situation ot professional struggle is necessary for long-term stability.
This
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 stems from the notion that changing jobs during an economic crisis might leave a person without any income at all.
For instance
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, a parent can stay at an unsatisfactory
job
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 in order to provide for the children.
Therefore
Linking Words
, acceptance of
such
Linking Words
 situations can be seen as a selfless act of responsibility rather than a lack of ambition.
On the other hand
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,
life
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 does not have guarantees. Even though the person who has been searching for a
job
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 for a long time, going to multiple rounds of interviews and tests, and
finally
Linking Words
 accepting an offer with a good salary, might not experience the joy and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
one
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 could hope for.1
For example
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, IT employers, who are famous for their high salaries,
are
Verb problem
apply
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often tend to
change
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 their
job
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 titles and responsibilities,
due to
Linking Words
 burnout at
one
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 type of
job
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 which does not satisfy them anymore.
Thus
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, being flexible and adaptable to situations is the greatest ability that
one
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 could have in their
life
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.
To conclude
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, having a bad
job
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 or a shortage of money is not something that should be merely accepted
due to
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 the different situations
and
Correct word choice
, but
show examples
 rather should be solved to improve the quality of
life
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea in each body part more clear at the start.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so each sentence flows in a smooth way.
task achievement
Add one more clear example for each side to make your ideas stronger.
task achievement
Explain your own opinion a little more in the second body part and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Check grammar in some long sentences because small errors make ideas less clear.
task achievement
You answered both views and gave your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You used examples about parents and IT workers to support ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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