IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

It is argued that exploring
space
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 is not worthwhile. Governments can allocate the funding to better areas
instead
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement, because there are lots of areas that are left undiscovered until today, and that
money
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 indeed can be used to serve better purposes. Putting
money
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 into
such
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 projects is a complete waste.
This
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 is because
space
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 expeditions not only have a significantly low return on investment, but
also
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 there are more unsolved mysteries, unseen places and undiscovered animal and insect species.
Additionally
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, exploring planet Earth is cheaper and requires less technologically advanced equipment.
In other words
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, investing in research on our planet.
For example
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, the United States of America
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 spends billions of dollars each year
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to fund
space
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 agencies
such
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 as NASA, despite the few findings.
This
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 has led to aggressive criticism against the government's careless decisions.
Furthermore
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, spending resources on different, more important fields is a safer option.
In other words
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, funding projects
such
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 as developing public health, education and waste management systems gives immediate and predetermined outputs.
This
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 is not the case for
space
Use synonyms
 exploration, since it is more like discovering the unknown, where the government puts hard currency, hoping to make a new discovery.
For instance
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, wide protests accured in
also
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in
Verb problem
occurred in
show examples
 the USA, because of the failure of the road system, and spending tax
money
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 on unimportant projects
instead
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 of fixing it. In conclusion, I firmly believe that exploring the universe is not worth the risk. Putting the
money
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 into enhancing infrastructure
instead
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,
such
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 as health, education, and waste management, is definitely a more reasonable option.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. You say you strongly agree, and this is good, but your first body point should link more directly to why space money is a waste.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but a few lines are too general. Show how money for health, school, and roads helps people more than space research.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and easy to trust. Your NASA example is relevant, but it needs a clearer result. Your protest example is not fully clear and has language mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, like 'Furthermore' and 'In conclusion', but a few sentences do not connect well. Check sentence flow inside each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are incomplete or broken, for example 'In other words, investing in research on our planet.' Make each sentence complete and linked to the one before it.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the same opinion all through the essay.
task response
You give two main reasons for your view: Earth still needs study, and public services need money more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some basic linking words well, such as 'Additionally', 'Furthermore', and 'For instance'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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