IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, whether one agrees with the viewpoint that travelling to other countries is a better choice has been a widely debated issue. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that enjoying a holiday locally is far more beneficial. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. The primary reason for my agreement is financial benefits. Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 tend to plan a holiday in their own
country
Use synonyms
 as it can save
the cost of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 travel
.
Check wording
costs.
show examples
Organizing
Change the spelling
Organising
show examples
 a domestic vacation means
people
Use synonyms
 can save more on the cost of
traffic
Check wording
transportation
show examples
 than going abroad,
such
Linking Words
 as a flight ticket or a long-distance coach.
This
Linking Words
 is a significant attraction as it not only saves money but
also
Linking Words
 time.
For example
Linking Words
, in my
country
Use synonyms
, Taiwan,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer the domestic journey because it is easier to get destination by using convenient transportation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the trend of travelling nationally will be popular in the future. An additional reason for my stance is that it can bring long-term economic advantages. The tourism industry is a positive development for a
country
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 some specific
reaserches
Correct your spelling
research
, the countries which have a structured economy
also
Linking Words
 have a good performance in the tourism industry; to be more specific, the more
people
Use synonyms
 support the national tourism, the more beneficial for the economic aspect of their
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is a personal choice for wherever
people
Use synonyms
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
, I still encourage most
people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy a holiday in their own
country
Use synonyms
, because every
country
Use synonyms
 is unique in the world
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I believe there are lots of things for
people
Use synonyms
 to explore in their hometown.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main idea match the question more clearly. The question asks about the future, but your first line talks about whether travel abroad is better.
task response
State your opinion in a direct way and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your second main point about the economy.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need a little more detail.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, like 'The primary reason' and 'In conclusion'.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one clear idea and develop it step by step.
task response
You give a clear opinion: you agree with the statement.
task response
You cover two main reasons: lower cost and help for the country economy.
task response
You include an example about Taiwan, which helps your point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has four paragraphs, so the structure is easy to see.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
What to do next:
Look at other essays: