IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that all mothers and fathers are required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. Do you agree or disagree?

With the development of novel technologies and tendencies,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 world is apparently competitive and destructive. In that
aspect
Use synonyms
, the parenthood techniques and methods has beccome a topic is concerned ,and some people stated that suitable programmes should be launched ,in order to guide the modern
parents
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, the trend is considered a positive development towards both children and
parents
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, the positive
aspect
Use synonyms
 of the trend sheds light on its constructive nature. It is no secret that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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modern
Punctuation problem
modern,
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 talented and educated young
parents
Use synonyms
 are more into engaging their vocational aspects
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in that
Use synonyms
aspect
Add a comma
aspect,
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 the trend paves the way for genrating career oriented individuals ,who
litteraly
Correct your spelling
literally
 struggle to keep work-life balance.
As a result
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, they fail to build
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 relationship with their young buds ,which paves the way for
juveniles
Correct article usage
the juveniles
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disappearence of the shelter from their
Correct word order
' disappearance from their parents' shelter
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parents
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, the introduction of
consoling
Use the right word
counselling
show examples
 courses would be
productive
Correct article usage
a productive
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 supporting system
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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exhausted
Change preposition
as for exhausted
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parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, child psychologists reveal that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 children
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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who are not much interacted with their biological
guardience
Correct your spelling
guardians
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
tend to showcase
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 behaviour. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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such
Linking Words
cordinative
Correct your spelling
coordinating
 programmes would be
best
Correct article usage
the best
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solutions
Check wording
solution
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 to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
 strong bonds between them. It is worth mentioning the fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 we are living in a world that
full
Verb problem
is full
show examples
 of distractions. In that
aspect
Use synonyms
, young learners would improve numeros illegal or unethical incidents
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as drug addiction, referring to elderly contents or addictionon violence video games.
As a result
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, they may waste their precious time and academic career. More pathetically,
parents
Use synonyms
 are not aware of
such
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 conditions ,which mislead
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 criminal statistics
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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considerable
amount
Check wording
number of
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 the
parents
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 of juvenile offenders are not aware of cotemporary world.
Hence
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,
such
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 collaborative work
pave
Correct subject-verb agreement
paves
show examples
 the way for
parents
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 to improve their
conssious
Correct your spelling
consciousness
 towards the children. Looking from an
overall
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perspective
Punctuation problem
perspective,
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 it is evident that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 'Change is inevitable'. In that
Use synonyms
aspect
Add a comma
aspect,
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 every parent should step forward to safeguard their youngsters from
anti social
Correct your spelling
anti-social
 elements. In that
aspect
Use synonyms
, courses on good
parental
Replace the word
parenting
 would be more efficient and attract modern
parents
Use synonyms
. More positively,
this
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 ensure well-being of the citizens.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put one clear point first, then explain it in a simple way.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are used too much or in the wrong place. Try simple links like 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence cohesion
Keep your sentences shorter. Many long sentences are hard to follow and this hides your meaning.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly. You agree, but you should say more clearly why parents should be required to take the course.
task achievement
Develop each idea with one simple and clear example. Your examples are related, but they need to be easier to understand.
task achievement
Avoid ideas that are too broad. Focus on parenting skills, child care, safety, and how courses can help mothers and fathers in real life.
task achievement
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same side to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task achievement
You try to support your ideas with examples about child behavior and crime.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • crucial skills
  • personal growth
  • parenting styles
  • autonomy
  • financial and logistical barriers
  • implement
  • undermine
  • experience
  • cultural differences
What to do next:
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