IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and time spent doing housework in the country from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, washing
machine using
Check wording
machines
show examples
 used to have the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, but became the lowest
at the end
Linking Words
.
Vacuum
Correct article usage
The vacuum
show examples
 cleaner’s coefficient was lower than
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
 machine’s and higher than
Use synonyms
Refrigerator
Correct determiner usage
the refrigerator's
show examples
, and got the biggest coefficient.
Also
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Check wording
refrigerators
show examples
 used to have the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 at
start
Correct article usage
the start
show examples
, but got
as
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 highest. Another interesting point is that
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
show examples
 and vacuum cleaner got the
maximal
Replace the word
maximum
percentage
Use synonyms
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
possible
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 wasn’t having any
percentage
Use synonyms
, but got the highest Washing
machine’s
Check wording
machines
show examples
 accounted for 40% in 1920, but increased to 60% in 1940.
Then
Linking Words
 it
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 up to 70% in 1960, but unfortunately fell to 63 in 1980. In 2000 it rose
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to 70
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as in 1960, and increased to 72%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Vacuum cleaner’s coefficient regarded for 30% at the start, and grew up to 50% in 1940, and 70% in
1960
Punctuation problem
1960,
show examples
 respectively. In
1960
Punctuation problem
1960,
show examples
 it increased to 90%, and shot up to 100% in 2000, and didn’t have any changes the rest of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
Refrigerators
show examples
 occupied 0% in 1920, but shot up to 55% in 1940.
Then
Linking Words
 it rose to 90% sharply in 1960. In
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
show examples
 it increased gently to 100%, and stayed the same
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 2019.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, at the end".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, period, refrigerator with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shot" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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