Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Nowadays, there is a debate about whether
children
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should be encouraged to compete or to co-operate with each
others
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. Some people believe
competition
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is important for
children
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's development,
while
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others
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argue that learning to work together is more valuable. In my opinion, both of them are useful, but co-operation is more important in the long run. On the one hand, there are good reasons to encourage
competition
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among
children
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. When
children
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compete with each other,
for example
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in exams or sports, they are more motivated to work hard and improve themself.
Competition
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can
also
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help
children
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to learn how to deal with failure, which is a useful skill in real life.
In addition
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,
competition
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allows
children
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to understand their own strengths and weaknesses better.
For instance
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, a child who does not perform well in a math
competition
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may realise that he
need
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needs
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to spend more time on practising, or he may discover that he is actually
more
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apply
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better at other subjects like languages.
This
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kind of self-awareness is very helpful for their future study and career planning.
Moreover
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, the modern society is very competitive, especially when it comes to find jobs or getting promoted, so
children
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who have a competitive mindset may be more better prepared for these challenges.
On the other hand
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, I believe that teaching
children
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to co-operate can bring even more benefits. In today's workplace, most
of
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apply
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tasks require teamwork, and people who can communicate well and listen to
others
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are often more successful than those who only focus on winning. Co-operation
also
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help
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helps
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children
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develop empathy and respect for
others
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, which
make
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makes
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them more responsible members of society.
In contrast
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, too much
competition
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can sometimes
leads
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lead
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to negative effects
such
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as anxiety, jealousy, and even damaged friendships between
the
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apply
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classmates. In conclusion,
while
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competition
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can motivate
children
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and prepare them for a competitive world, co-operation teaches them the social skills
that
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is
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are
show examples
essential for becoming useful adults. I think the best approach is to encourage
children
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to co-operate with each other
while
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still maintain a healthy level of
competition
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but one or two ideas need more detail.
task response
Use more clear examples. The math example is good, but the co-operation side needs one real example too.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few parts are too general. Explain how co-operation makes adults more useful with one more step.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, one side, other side, end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used well, like on the one hand, on the other hand, in addition, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with flow inside some sentences. A few long sentences are not smooth, so split them into two shorter ones.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your main points are relevant to the topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, so the essay is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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