IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people work long hours, leavig very littletime foe leisure activities. Does thbis stiuation have more advantages or more disadvantgaes ?

In today's
time
Use synonyms
, we invest most of our
time
Use synonyms
into the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work. Many
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 argue that working full-
time
Use synonyms
 provides very
less
Correct determiner usage
little
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for personal
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss the benefits and
disadvantage
Check wording
disadvantages
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 of long working hours. Nowadays, most of the
people
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 have very hectic
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, working as a full-
time
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 employee gives no
time
Use synonyms
 for personal well-being.
As a result
Linking Words
 person faces many consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as gawking the computer screen too much
can
Correct pronoun usage
, which can
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 strain
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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, sitting for too long
can
Correct pronoun usage
, which can
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 lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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body
ache
Check wording
aches
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,
working
Correct word choice
and working
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 in excessive noisy environment
can
Correct pronoun usage
, which can
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 cause hearing
aid
Check wording
loss
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most
of the person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 get exhusted of work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 because of
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 they spend very little
time
Use synonyms
 with their family and friends.
This
Linking Words
 will affect their bonding and attachment.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that married couple faces
this
Linking Words
 problem more often and
as a result
Linking Words
 they end up getting
divorce
Correct article usage
a divorce
show examples
. There are many individuals who passionately
follows
Correct subject-verb agreement
follow
show examples
 their dream.
people
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 alone or introvert as nature and their only goal is to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 success
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 most of the
time
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 to their work.
For example
Linking Words
, many person likes to invest their
life
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 toward goals rather
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
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 wasting
time
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 partying or playing games
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to failure in their
life
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.
Whereas
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,
people
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 who devote them self for their goal can create history like Michelle
phelp
Correct your spelling
Phelps
, who
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 6 years of his
life
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 toward his dream and never waste single second.
To sum up
Linking Words
, many are in
dilemma
Correct article usage
a dilemma
show examples
 between working full
time
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 is
good
Correct article usage
a good
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desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
 but many
against
Verb problem
are against
show examples
 it.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 argument has its own
drawback
Check wording
drawbacks
show examples
 and benefits. In my opinion, working for too long can cause physical tension in
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can cause early age retirement.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part. Say if there are more good points or more bad points, and keep this same view to the end.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are short, so the reader cannot fully see why they matter.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true to the point. The example about sport is not fully linked to normal work life.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'whereas' should match the meaning of the sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. Some ideas jump too fast, so add short clear links between them.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about both good and bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
You gave a short ending, so the essay has a full shape.
task response
Some examples help support your ideas, such as family problems and health issues.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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