IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
 above
illustartes
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
joined
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
members for
diffrent catagories
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different categories
 of activities.
Such
Linking Words
 as (Film club, Martial arts, Amateur dramatics, Table tennis , Musical
preformances
Correct your spelling
performances
) at a public centre in Melbourne,
Austrila
Correct your spelling
Australia
. Between
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it shows that
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
 club has the highest
Use synonyms
participants
Check wording
number of participants
show examples
 of all.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, Musical preformances has the lowest rates above.
Film
Correct article usage
The film
show examples
 club started
the
Change preposition
in
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 of 2000 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hitting the highest
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 at almost 65. Moving by five
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 the numbers kept
flucating
Use the right word
fluctuating
show examples
 until the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2020 it reversed again to almost 65.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Matial
Correct your spelling
Martial
 arts and Table tennis numbers kept
flucating
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
 every other
year
Use synonyms
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
.
Matial
Correct your spelling
Material
 in 2000
begained
Correct your spelling
began
 at almost 35 and ended
2020
Change preposition
in 2020
show examples
 with the same amount.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, Table tennis in 2000 had almost 20 and ended 2020 with
declining the
Replace the word
a decline of
 half.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Amateur dramatics started with almost 25 in 2000. Sligthly rising to almost 30 by 2005. Declines by reversing to the same amount again
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010.
Then
Linking Words
,
noticeably
Check wording
the number noticeably
show examples
elevating
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to almost 50
participants
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2020. Meanwhile, Musical preformances took the
year
Use synonyms
 with zero
participants
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, kept elevating in the same pattern
ending
Punctuation problem
, ending
show examples
 at almost 20 by the
year
Use synonyms
 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "otherwise".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 8 times.
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