The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

The graph provides the usage of four
catogaries
Correct your spelling
categories
of meat (
Chicken
Use synonyms
,
Beef
Use synonyms
,Lamb ,Fish) in a European country in the period between 1979 and 2004. The consumption is
meausered
Correct your spelling
measured
in Grams per person per week.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data shows
Use synonyms
Beef
Correct word choice
that beef
show examples
had the highest trend among. Meanwhile, Fish had the poorest usage.
Beef
Use synonyms
kept fluctuating all along. And, Lamb
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Chicken
Use synonyms
started off at almost 150 in 1979.
Chicken
Use synonyms
and
Beef
Use synonyms
exceeded in usage
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
1989. Moving on
Use synonyms
Chicken
Punctuation problem
, Chicken
show examples
kept rising
dramaticlly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
till it reached almost double the amount in 2004.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Beef
Use synonyms
Stricked the year with rising rates at almost 200
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
, Kept dropping
Correct word order
kept dropping,
show examples
hitting almost 100 by 2004.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Lamb
Had
Fix capitalization
had
show examples
the exact start as
Chicken
Use synonyms
but stayed
constent
Correct your spelling
constant
then
Linking Words
fell to almost 50
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
2004.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,Fish
begained
Correct your spelling
began
by almost 50. And kept decreasing and increasing till it reversed to the same amount by 2004.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chicken, beef with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: