IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

While
Linking Words
 the group of
people
Use synonyms
 assert
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 promoting advertising is
achievement
Correct article usage
an achievement
show examples
 to buy
products
Use synonyms
. And another group of
people
Use synonyms
 believe
now
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 individuals did not pay attention to that.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that there is no wrong
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 promoting
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 for
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss them in detail with a summary. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 know about the
products
Use synonyms
 through the advertisements because they did not survive in the market. The reason for
that is
Linking Words
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
busy
Verb problem
are busy
show examples
 because of their own jobs. So they have
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
 time to collect
products
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
shops
Change preposition
from shops
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 why
people
Use synonyms
 watching advertisement to collect information about
products
Use synonyms
. Eventually, when
people
Use synonyms
 know about the
products
Use synonyms
 through the advertisements.
For instance
Linking Words
, when my father
also
Linking Words
buy
Correct subject-verb agreement
buys
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 through online
super markets
Correct your spelling
supermarkets
 by looking
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
 promotions on social media platforms. For these matters,
people
Use synonyms
 may think that there is no wrong
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 advertising
products
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 did not look at
advertisments
Replace the word
advertisements
, because they went to
shops
Use synonyms
 and
buy
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
 their own goods. The reason for
that is
Linking Words
individuals
Correct word choice
that individuals
show examples
 can see
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
 when going to
shops
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can collect goods by touching the quality of those
products
Use synonyms
. Eventually, when
people
Use synonyms
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
super markerts
Correct your spelling
supermarkets
 or any other
Use synonyms
shops
Punctuation problem
shops,
show examples
 they can buy their own type of goods.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who live in our village
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 collect their
products
Use synonyms
 from village
shops
Use synonyms
.
however
Linking Words
 at the
present
Add a comma
present,
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 like to watch about advertismnets.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
promoting advertisments among social media or any other platforms.
People
Use synonyms
 can know about the new items. The reason
or
Change preposition
for
show examples
that is
Linking Words
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
at
Check wording
people at
show examples
the the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
present
most of
Correct word order
do not have
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have not enough time to go
markerts
Correct your spelling
to markets
. As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 may pay
moe
Correct your spelling
more
 attention
for advertisments
Change preposition
to advertisements
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why ads work, and why some people ignore them.
task response
Give your own view in a clear way from the start, and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Explain ideas more. Many points are short and not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links well, like On the one hand, On the other hand, However, and For example.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph about one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not natural.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
task response
You give examples from real life, like your father and people in your village.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to show the flow of ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: