IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on society

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
recognized
Wrong verb form
recognise
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 that too
much
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 negative effects,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it has more benefits. I believe that the disadvantages are more than the advantages. One disadvantage of the high proportion of older
people
Use synonyms
 is that it reduces the workforce, which may slowly decrease economic development.
For example
Linking Words
,
recently
Punctuation problem
recently,
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 there are more elderly
people
Use synonyms
 than young
people
Use synonyms
. So a youth needs to spend a lot of time taking care of elders,
while
Linking Words
 not engaging in
works
Check wording
work
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 need to maintain livelihoods, so
choose
Correct pronoun usage
they choose
show examples
 not to have children. It is easier to cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high proportion of older
people
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 in . One advantage of the high proportion of older
people
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 is that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of
experience
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, which can be passed on to younger generations.
For example
Linking Words
, they can share life and work
experience
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, including skills that cannot be learned from books.
However
Linking Words
, their
experience
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 is not suitable
in
Change preposition
for
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 modern life. At the same time, young
people
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 can learn a lot of information from the internet.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 need to rely on
experiences
Correct article usage
the experiences
show examples
 and skills
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that too
much
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 negative effects. It reduces the workforce and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 pressure on young
people
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the importance of elderly
people
Use synonyms
’s
experience
Use synonyms
 has decreased. Because technological development can help humans.

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task response
For task response: answer the question more fully. You say the bad side is stronger, but your ideas are still short.
task response
For task response: add one more clear reason for why an aging society is bad, such as cost for health care or pensions.
task response
For task response: your examples are very general. Use one simple but clear example with real life detail.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good, but some ideas do not connect well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: make each body paragraph follow one line: main idea, explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: use linking words carefully. Some lines are hard to follow, like the end of paragraph 1.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both the good side and the bad side, so you address all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, and each paragraph has one main topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is short but clear and matches your main view.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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