IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram shows the stages of processing cocoa beans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the three main stages of manufacturing
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the process begins with picking
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 and pressing, and ends with becoming the three products to sell
.
Punctuation problem
apply
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, including
cocoa
Use synonyms
 powder,
cocoa
Use synonyms
 liquor and finished
chocolate
Use synonyms
 products.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
stage
Use synonyms
 1, when farmers pick
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
,
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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beans
Use synonyms
 will separate their shells
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 before they are
drying
Wrong verb form
dried
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 and
pressing
Wrong verb form
pressed
show examples
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
, in
stage
Use synonyms
 2, the process has two different roads, one is
further
Linking Words
 pressing, and
then
Linking Words
 let the
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 turn to the
cocoa
Use synonyms
 cake in the final
of
Check wording
stage of
show examples
this
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
; another one is
further
Linking Words
 refining, after adding sugar, the
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 will become the industrial
chocolate
Use synonyms
.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, in
stage
Use synonyms
 3, following the two ways from
stage
Use synonyms
 2, the
cocoa
Use synonyms
 cake can continue grinding and manufacturing to turn into the
cocoa
Use synonyms
 powder (for
consumer
Check wording
consumers
show examples
) and
cocoa
Use synonyms
 liquor (for industry).
Additionally
Linking Words
, if it uses another way to make industrial
chocolate
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 final processing, it will create finished
chocolate
Use synonyms
 products to consumer.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cocoa, beans, chocolate, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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