IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that students should focus only on academic subjects, while others think they should also learn practical skills such as cooking or managing money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some people believe that
students
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 should focus on practical
skills
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,
while
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 others argue that academic subjects should be the main priority.
This
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 issue has gained increasing attention
due to
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 its impact on
students
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’ future development.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why a balance between academic knowledge and practical
skills
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 is essential.
Firstly
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, learning practical
skills
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 helps
students
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 become independent in the future. These
skills
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 are essential for managing daily life effectively. At a young age,
students
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’ minds are more receptive, making it easier for them to learn activities
such
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 as cooking, budgeting, and time management.
Moreover
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,
such
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skills
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also
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 promote teamwork and responsibility.
For example
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, when I moved abroad for my master’s degree, I struggled with basic daily tasks
due to
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 a lack of practical knowledge.
As a result
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, I became dependent on others and spent more money than necessary.
Therefore
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, learning these
skills
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 early can be highly beneficial.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that
students
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 should concentrate solely on academic subjects. They believe that strong academic performance is crucial for securing good career opportunities.
Additionally
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, learning practical
skills
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 may distract
students
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 from their studies and reduce their academic achievements. At a young age,
students
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 already have a heavy workload, and adding extra responsibilities could create unnecessary pressure. In conclusion,
although
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 academic education is essential, it should not be the only focus.
Students
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 should
also
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 learn practical
skills
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, as both are equally important for personal and professional success.

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task response
For task response, you answer both sides and give your view, which is good. To reach a higher band, add a little more detail about why school subjects are still very important, not only for jobs but also for thinking skills.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but some points could be more full. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could give one real example of how practical skills may take time from study.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and the order is clear. To improve more, make the link between the two body paragraphs even smoother with a stronger topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most main points are supported, but the second body paragraph has less support than the first one. Add one short example there to keep the essay balanced.
task response
For task response, you discuss both views and clearly give your opinion that both are important.
task response
For task response, your example about moving abroad is relevant and helps support your point well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use simple linking words well, such as firstly, moreover, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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