IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the most important thing about being rich is that it gives an opportunity to help other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is believed that the greatest advantage of being rich is the ability
help
Verb problem
to help
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as I believe that wealth can bring many benefits, helping others is just one of them. On the one hand, there are certain reasons why many individuals think helping others is the most important aspect of being rich.
Firstly
Linking Words
, financial resources allow
people
Use synonyms
 to engage in charitable works
such
Linking Words
 as donating money to the charitable
organziations
Correct your spelling
organisations
 and governments. These funds can help address serious social issues, including homelessness, orphans, and unemployment.
As a result
Linking Words
, society can become more stable and developed, with fewer disadvantaged individuals and better living conditions
in
Change preposition
apply
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overall
Linking Words
.
Besides
Linking Words
, those who engage with charitable works usually gain respect and enhance
personal
Correct determiner usage
their personal
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 reputation.
For instance
Linking Words
, by building numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
SOS villages for orphans in developing countries, Herman has earned appreciation from millions of
people
Use synonyms
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that being rich
also
Linking Words
 offers many personal advantages that should not be overlooked. Financial security allows individuals to invest more in education at school and develop practical skills for themselves.
These
Fix the agreement mistake
This
show examples
 knowledge is essential as it opens up new opportunities, including better career prospects and valuable connections in the future.
Thus
Linking Words
, a well-rounded individual is more likely to earn
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 income and contribute more effectively to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Additionally
Linking Words
, being wealthy can
also
Linking Words
 provide freedom of
choices
Check wording
choice
show examples
, allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to pursue their personal interests without worrying about financial
constrains
Replace the word
constraints
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others is a meaningful
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 of being wealthy, I believe that personal development should be given equal importance.

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task response
Make your view more clear all through the essay. You say you partly agree, but you need to show this in each body part more directly.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support your ideas. Your example about Herman is not fully clear.
task response
Explain your main ideas more deeply. Some points are good, but a few are too general and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some ideas connect well, but a few sentences feel a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. This will make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check reference words and sentence flow. A few parts sound unnatural, so the reader must work harder.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: introduction, 2 body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Most main points are relevant to the topic and are easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical in most parts of the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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