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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The picture below illustrates the average consumption of carbon dioxide
emissions
Use synonyms
 per person in 10 year interval from 1967 to 2007 in 5 countries
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 the United Kingdom,Sweden,Italy and Portugal.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is clearly seen that between 1967 and 2007
years
Punctuation problem
,
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 the United Kingdom accounted for the highest,
while
Linking Words
 Portugal was the least to produce carbon
emissions
Use synonyms
 in the list. The United Kingdom had minimal changes throughout the year, having approximately 11
tonnes
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 of
emissions
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,
then
Linking Words
 slowly decreasing to nearly 9
tonnes
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. Meanwhile, Sweden rose steadily to exactly
to
Change preposition
apply
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10
tonnes
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,reached its high peak in 1977,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
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 it declined gradually in 1977 and 1987
years
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the amount of discharge in Italy climbed slowly, reaching 6
tonnes
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 in 1977 and around 7
tonnes
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 in 1997,
then
Linking Words
 having its constant amount of over 8
tonnes
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. The remaining country is Portugal, which increased the
emissions
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 steadily from 1967 to 1987, having a dramatic change in 1997,
then
Linking Words
 remaining the same.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words emissions, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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