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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows how Olive Oil is manufactured. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The illustration explains and gives key information about the way in which Olive Oil are made.
Overall
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, there are seven stages in the process, beginning with picking
,
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apply
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 and ending with storage and sale.
Furthermore
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, it is a man-made and linear process. The first
stage
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 is picking. In
this
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stage
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, Olive was selected. The second
stage
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 is rinsing
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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this
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stage
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, we rinse the Olive with cold water . After that , the third
stage
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 is smashing, in
this
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stage
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, we smash
Olive
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the olives
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 by a special machine,
as a result
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, it generates two types: Olive paste and Olive stones. The next
stage
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 is a bag with holes. In
this
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stage
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, we put olive paste in a bag with holes. The next
stage
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 is pressing. In
this
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stage
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, we press it. After that, the next
stage
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 is separating. In
this
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stage
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, the product will separate into water and oil.
Finally
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,the final
stage
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 is
storage
Correct article usage
the storage
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 and sale of olive oil.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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