There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the growing competitive world, the schools are heavily

emphasizing on

Change the spelling

emphasising

show examples

the speed of learning concepts more than

actuallly

Correct your spelling

actually

getting the gist of it. They prefer learning that happens quickly

instead

Linking Words

concept

Check wording

concepts

show examples

lasting forever in the young minds. The competition is

also

Linking Words

getting to the young learners

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

the weight of their bags becomes the proof ot it. From the moment

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

children reach Grade 5, they are

pressurized

Use the right word

pressured

show examples

to study more and cut down on their

extra-curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

activities. Even their parents request

the

Correct word choice

that the

show examples

school authorities

Wrong verb form

apply

show examples

remove any

subjects

Use synonyms

that are not directly helping their

child

Use synonyms

overall

Linking Words

growth. They believe only science and mathematics

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

be quintessential

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

other

subjects

Use synonyms

are just a waste of time. They do not believe that physical education and cookery could be beneficial for their

child

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, I beg to differ. Not at all

children

Punctuation problem

, children

show examples

excel at courses like math and science studies.

Therefore

Linking Words

, extra activities arouse

kids

Check wording

kids'

show examples

interest and assist them in deciding their career path.

Moreover

Linking Words

sports

Use synonyms

periods like physical education not only

makes

Correct subject-verb agreement

make

show examples

the

child

Use synonyms

fit but

also

Linking Words

can add fun to their

hectic

Punctuation problem

hectic,

show examples

busy schedules and take their minds off their studies for a brief period of time.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, being good at

sports

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

enable

Correct subject-verb agreement

enables

show examples

them to build their resume stronger for colleges. If the

child

Use synonyms

is in their school

sports

Use synonyms

team, it helps them get selected in their desired college through

Use synonyms

sports

Correct article usage

the sports

show examples

quota.

However

Linking Words

, parents fail to understand the

child

Use synonyms

's predicament and

also

Linking Words

their

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

. The

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

tasks are only

head

Use the right word

meant

show examples

to build

Linking Words

overall

Correct article usage

the overall

show examples

personality of the

child

Use synonyms

. These classes not only teach them skills but

also

Linking Words

offer them values that they can effectively

utilize

Change the spelling

utilise

show examples

whenever needed.

For instance

Linking Words

, cooking could teach a

child

Use synonyms

to blend in to get a better result.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

skill is not restricted to just cooking but

also

Linking Words

engage

Wrong verb form

engaging

show examples

and

interact

Wrong verb form

interacting

show examples

within their community. I believe that schools should continue to

emphasis on

Replace the word

emphasise

the non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

because it aids them in developing skills and value sets that other academic

subjects

Use synonyms

often lack.

nbutani1999

Apr 2, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Answer the question more directly in the first paragraph. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.

coherence and cohesion

Keep your main idea the same all through the essay. Do not move from school pressure to many side points without a clear link.

coherence and cohesion

Use one clear topic for each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.

task response

Add one or two more clear examples to support your ideas. Your sports team example is useful, but the cookery point needs a stronger example.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result. Some parts now feel long and hard to follow.

task response

Explain your ideas a little more. Some points are good, but they stop too fast.

task response

You give a clear opinion in the body and conclusion that non-academic subjects should stay in school.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task response

You include relevant ideas about sports, health, fun, and future study chances.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion matches your main view and ends the essay clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

343 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?
In modern society, it is claimed that people can work from home easily, thanks to the prevalence of high-tech products like computers and cell phones. Even though this new working method has some drawbacks, I believe that it has more merits.
6.5
band
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle.Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Modern society is witnessing an increasing number of children leading unhealthy lifestyles, and it is imperative to address this issue promptly. I strongly agree with the statement that both parents and schools bear responsibility for resolving this problem.
7
band
In the future, all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
The technologies of transportation vehicles have been developed to be driverless which will drive people to travel without any human driver anymore. The public has looked for the benefits of this technology, while some others still argue that it will have some disadvantages. I strongly believe that the disadvantage of driverless outweighs the advantages.
6
band
Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is an argument regarding the monetary allocations made by the state, where there are those who believe that funds should be budgeted to search for life outside Earth. However, opponents think that there are more important matters on earth that need attention. This essay will discuss both perspectives and why I think the government needs to priotize societal issues in its budget.
6.5
band
The Effect of Colour on Emotions and Its Applications in Everyday Life
Every aspect of our environment influences us, and colour plays a particularly significant role in shaping our perceptions and emotions. Since we receive a large portion of information visually, the impact of colour on our attitudes toward objects and our emotional response to our surroundings is undeniable. This influence can be harnessed in many ways, from enhancing our well-being to driving consumer behavior in marketing.

These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle.Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In the future, all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The Effect of Colour on Emotions and Its Applications in Everyday Life