IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, many people may no longer be able to pay for things in shop using cash. All payments may have to be made by cards or using phones.do you think this will happen one day? why do you think some people may not be happy to give up using cash

In the coming years, many individuals may use other methods of payment
instead
Linking Words
 of using
cash
Use synonyms
. In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon may become a reality one day, as technological advancement is becoming an integral part of our lives.
However
Linking Words
, many people may not prefer using
credit
Use synonyms
cards
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
fear
Correct article usage
the fear
show examples
 of fraud and high
credit
Use synonyms
 card charges.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, using paper money in shops may become a less common practice in the near future. The prime reason for
this
Linking Words
 is the growing use of mobile phones in our daily lives. As the technology advances, phones are being used to perform many important daily tasks
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 online payments. Customers are switching to cashless ways of making payments
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
credit
Use synonyms
 and debit
cards
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because paper money is difficult to handle and keep.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in many countries with high tourism, many
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 prefer to pay
thorugh
Correct your spelling
through
cards
Use synonyms
 or gadgets, as they may not carry any local currency.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Singapore, every local shops have barcode
scanners
Fix the agreement mistake
scanner
show examples
 to make payment easier.
However
Linking Words
, many individuals may not be happy with
this
Linking Words
 change.
This
Linking Words
 is because
credit
Use synonyms
 and debit
card
Correct subject-verb agreement
cards
show examples
 have the risk of cyber fraud
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many people may be
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
 of using these methods.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many people prefer
cash
Use synonyms
 as the yearly charges on these digital
cards
Use synonyms
 may be high.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many older adults may not be comfortable using digital tools to make payments.
For example
Linking Words
, older adults who are new to technology
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 do not know how to use online banking applications.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they may be
more happy
Replace the word
happier
 using
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
 method of using
cash
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of digital devices in the shops. To sum it up,
cash
Use synonyms
 may be used less frequently in the near future, but many customers
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
generation
Punctuation problem
generation,
show examples
 may not be happy with
this
Linking Words
 change as they are more comfortable with handling paper money.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say yes, this may happen, and you give reasons. You also explain why some people do not want to stop using cash. This is good, but some ideas need more detail.
task response
Use more clear examples. The Singapore example helps, but it is a bit general. Add one more short and real example for older people or fraud.
task response
Develop each main idea a little more. For example, explain more why phones are easier than cash, or why fees make people avoid cards.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: intro, body, body, end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump fast from one idea to the next. Use simple linking words well, like also, for example, because, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow inside paragraphs. A few sentences are not joined in the best way, so the meaning is less strong.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main opinion is clear from the start.
task response
You use relevant ideas like technology, fraud, fees, and old people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words correctly in many places.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches your main idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: