IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Media coverage of violent crime frightens people and encourages criminals. Some people say it should be banned from newspapers and TV programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of
people
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 have started to discuss whether the
report
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reports
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 of violent
crime
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 should be banned from newspapers and TV programmes. From my
perspectives
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perspective
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, we should reveal the information about
crime
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 to
minimize
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minimise
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 the negative impacts . Among numerous reasons supporting my ideas, the primary one is that
Media
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coverage
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 is necessary for our society ,it improves the general public’s awareness and avoeid to cause serious consequences. Take Taiwan’s
people
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for instance
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, our citizens start to acquire some basic self-defense knowledges before watching TV programmes or reading newspapers.
This
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 demonstrates that residents can reduce be injured
from
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by
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 those criminals.
Moreover
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,
Media
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coverage
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Linking Words
also can
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can also
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 monitor our government by citizens, enhancing crisis amd reducing
number
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the number
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 of victims.
Overall
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, the benefits of
Media
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coverage
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 not only
improving
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improve
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 the general public’s awareness, but
also
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 developing better crisis
way
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management way
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. Those who hold different views might maintain that
Media
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coverage
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 of violent
crime
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 might increase public panic, some offenders who have
mental
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a mental
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 disorder seek attention, so they might be
motivate
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motivated
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 to hurt others. Even though their argument is valid to a certain degree, banning information of violent lead to greater ignorance;
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instead
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instead,
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 it makes
people
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 defenceless during
crisis
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a crisis
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.
Therefore
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,
Media
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coverage
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 of violent
crime
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 should be responsible
to report
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in reporting
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 the violent news, rather than restricting information. In conclusion, I believe that we should reveal the news about
crime
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 to reduce the negative influences, because it can
improves
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improve
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 the general public’s awareness.
Although
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 some
people
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 might not see eye to eye with me, and argue that some offenders are more likely to seek attention, so they might be
motivate
Replace the word
motivated
 to hurt others lead to more public panic.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in one direct line.
task response
Add one more clear reason for your view and explain it step by step.
task response
Use more exact examples. Your Taiwan example is good, but it needs more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence clearly connects to the one before it.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear view that crime news should not be banned.
task response
You include both sides of the argument, which helps show a full response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear example to support your idea.
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