IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

In some nations, their academic institutions spend classes during summer vacation for two months or more. Society believes that long breaks in schools have benefits ,
while
Linking Words
 many people prefer the other ones. In
this
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 essay, both perspectives will be provided. Commitment to attend
schools
Check wording
school
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 regularly plays a vital
rule
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role
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 in a person's education.
However
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, sometimes the persone need to get a rest from the
essential’s life for a
Correct word order
essentials of life for a while
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while
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 of period. The schools put a long holiday for them of
time
Use synonyms
 period.
This
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 can assist them
to charge
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in charging
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 their energy
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
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 themselves for the next semester.
Moreover
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, they can utilise the
time
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 by investing
themselves
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in themselves
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 to enhance their skills, and
obtaining an
Wrong verb form
obtain
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 experience by travelling or learning something useful. Those things can help them to enhance their personality better.
On the other hand
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, long vacations could
be
Verb problem
apply
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have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 side
from
Change preposition
in
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 several ways. Education requires attend reglaraly. If you abruptly discontinued and return to study, you brian will take a long
time
Use synonyms
 to
order to become accoustomed
Correct word order
become accustomed to
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 it. Their grades will be affected significantly , and they will become lazier because they take a lot of
time
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 to rest
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they have leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, families can be unpleasant for long holidays,
due to
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 the fact of disturbance thier children. Especially the parents who are employed need a quiet area to do their tasks proficiently. In conclusion, the holidays have a significant impact on children's acadamic whether it's long or short. In
this
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 case, the parents and teachers should
be
Verb problem
apply
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continue concentrating on them with relieve on them.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why long holidays are good, and why short holidays can also be good.
task response
Add one clear example for each main idea. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Your main ideas are mostly relevant, but some are too general. Explain them in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'however'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Try to make each sentence shorter and clearer.
task response
You discuss both views, so you address the main task.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is split into clear paragraphs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
What to do next:
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