IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries government are investing on new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening. Do you think this is an approciate use of government money?

The use of new technology to deal with the public is happening, in most of the cases,
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of staff to serve them.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 has implemented,
for example
Linking Words
, "AI scanners" to filter and reply
enquiries
Change preposition
to enquiries
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 immediately. That's the case of Ireland Revenue. Since the
instituition
Correct your spelling
institution
 was dealing with a large amount of
querys
Correct your spelling
queries
 on their website, they decided to implement a virtual assistant. The tool scans all the messages received and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 the users a first "treatment". With that, Irish Revenue was able to decrease the waiting time and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 the pressure
out of
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off
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 their team.
On
Change preposition
In
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 the private sector, investments in new technologies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been happening over the years. Whether it's used to increase production, speed customer service and support
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 integrate teams, technologies are
part important
Correct word order
an important part
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 of the game and tend to be even more in the next few years. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 already a lot of tech projects that are helping kids with learning difficulties. Others were built for the
disable
Replace the word
disabled
 in the hospitals. If well planned, the use of technology can be extremely beneficial for both government and society. In conclusion, if the money spent by the government is used in prol of the
public
Check wording
public's interest
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, I don't see why that wouldn't be appropriate. In fact, that's just a
reflexion
Correct your spelling
reflection
 of the new era in which we are living
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I think it's about time for the State to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good use of these tools for the population.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why this change is happening, and then give a clear yes or no view early.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence to explain how or why.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the topic. The part about the private sector is a bit far from the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words between ideas, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few lines feel jumpy, so add short linking phrases to guide the reader.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
You give a real and clear example about Ireland Revenue.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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