IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think the subjects that students study at university should be decided by the government. Others, however, believe that university students should be able to choose their own subjects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, some people believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should decide what subjects students study at university,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that students should choose their own courses. I firmly believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should make
this
Linking Words
 decision, as it can ensure that graduates meet the needs of the national economy and that public funding is used effectively.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the student will avoide to pick the essential, complicated
lessons
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as physics and math.
Admitedly
Correct your spelling
Admittedly
, those 2 subjects would increase the real and academic skills of the pupils. Increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
skills can help them
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their future life, and increase the chance to find job
opportuinites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method
also
Linking Words
 promotes equal educational standards, learner is exposed to the same foundational knowledge regardless of personal preference or background.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
lessons
Use synonyms
 related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the jobs will open up a wealth of career opportunities. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, the
government
Use synonyms
 and professors would determine the courses that would increase the skills that the students really need for those opportunities. An eminent example can be witnessed in some struggling countries
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
Egypt
Punctuation problem
Egypt,
show examples
 where many youth prefer studying highly-ranked subjects to guarantee getting a chance for a job.
Moreover
Linking Words
, pupils'
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
decision wouldn't help their career and would end up with a harmful life. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 know the best
lessons
Use synonyms
 for the pupils and it would
better if the
Correct word order
be better if the lessons were
show examples
lessons
Use synonyms
 would be picked by the
government
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You talk more about government choice, but you need a clearer paragraph for the view that students should choose their own subjects.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Your view is clear, but some ideas do not fully explain why the other side is weaker.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start each paragraph with one simple topic sentence, then add 2 or 3 supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, however, and as a result. Some sentences now feel hard to follow.
task response
Develop your example more. The Egypt example is relevant, but it needs a clearer link to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because errors make the meaning less clear. Clear meaning helps both task response and cohesion.
task response
You answer the question and give your own opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use an example to support your point, which helps your ideas feel more real.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: