IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think the technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. To what extent do you agree?

In my
consideration
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opinion
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, I would have agreed. Nowadays,
due to
Linking Words
 advanced
devices
Add a comma
devices,
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 many individuals are facing
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of money, which makes an enormous contrast between them and rich people
mainly
Punctuation problem
, mainly
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 because of incapability to purchase at least one gadget
,
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.
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 that attracts a lot of attention to them
and
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, and
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 others will make fun of them. Simply put, it
noticeable
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is noticeable
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 that women who have bought from expensive brands like Gucci
,
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apply
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 force
poor
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the poor
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 to become their servants. That kind of habit is in our DNA because in
past
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the past
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kings
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, kings
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 used to keep servants mainly because of having lots of money,
thus
Linking Words
 needs were done by others.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, we usually get things which are the best, survival instinct is
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
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to
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of
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 that. Our mistakes teach us lessons, so we reflect
incorrect
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on incorrect
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 actions and avoid them
, possessing
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. Possessing
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 a
meritful
Correct your spelling
meritorious
 object keeps our minds more relaxed.
Also
Linking Words
, another statement causing us to agree, is that we usually become bloggers, so to get more views we introduce ourselves
with
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by
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 being impressed
of
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with
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 our clothes, cars, own dormitories, and at the same moment illustration of
advertisement
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an advertisement
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 is
also
Linking Words
 included, so we earn
on
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from
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 it
by
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through
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 views.
Thus
Linking Words
, these reasons forced me to step on
agreement
Correct article usage
the agreement
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 side, and we should probably somehow reduce
a
Correct article usage
the
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 thirst
of
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for
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 being a celebrity, that's from my viewpoint.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how far you agree, and keep this idea strong in all parts.
task response
Use main ideas that are easy to follow. Some ideas now are not fully clear or do not link well to the topic.
task response
Give simple and real examples. Your examples about brands and bloggers are interesting, but they need clearer links to rich and poor people.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body part. This will help the reader follow your thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like First, Also, For example, and So. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make each point support your answer. Some parts move away from the main topic.
task response
You give a clear opinion at the start and end.
task response
You try to explain your ideas with more than one reason.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like In addition and Thus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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