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Band 7.5

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different ge groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different ge groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The table shows the changes in cinema
attendance
Use synonyms
 and frequency,
while
Linking Words
 the graph depicts the
visitors
Use synonyms
 ' age and how many times they visited in periods starting from 1996 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 rose with fluctuation,
while
Linking Words
 average
visits
Use synonyms
 declined over time. Young individuals visited mostly compared to elder one. In 1996, the percentage of
attendance
Use synonyms
 accounted for 62%,
while
Linking Words
 the frequency of
visitors
Use synonyms
 was 10.3.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, by 1997, both
attendance
Use synonyms
 and frequency had experienced significant growth, 72% and 11.1, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the
attendance
Use synonyms
 rate stayed unchanged after a year,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of
visits
Use synonyms
 declined drastically to 8.3. Next year, both the percentage of population and the number of
visits
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly, constituting 70% and 8.2
visits
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2000, the data was similar to the year 1998. All ages experienced a decline in 1998. Most cinema
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were aged 14-24
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 visited the museum, accounting for 15
initially
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 it ended with 19. In 1996, the 25-35 group accounted for 14,
while
Linking Words
 the 35-49 was 11, and the elderly group made up 10. By the end, 25-35 stopped at 16, 35-49 accounted for 15, and 50+ was 13

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words attendance, visitors, visits with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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