IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 modern world, whether one agrees with the viewpoint that online stores will replace physical
shops
Use synonyms
 has been a widely debated issue. Some
people
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 believe that the growing tendency of online shopping will change
people
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's preference of where to go shopping. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I strongly agree with
this
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 development. The primary reason for my agreement is convenience. In the past,
people
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 could only buy things by going to physical
shops
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 or supermarkets,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 not only wasted time
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 but
also
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 consumed more traffic costs.
However
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, in the present
days
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day
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, we can easily purchase merchandise online because of the modern internet; to be more specific, going out for shopping is no longer necessary like before. An additional reason for my stance is that they can bring long-term economic advantages. Nowadays, because online shopping has become ubiquitous,
people
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 are no longer restricted by distance.
This
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 not only improves efficiency, but
also
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 allows
people
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 to approach diverse commodities.
For example
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, online service is beneficial for individuals who would like to buy a vehicle, because they can easily seek many different brands by browsing
on
Change preposition
apply
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websites
instead
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 of going to dealers.
This
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 positively enhance economy because
people
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 are able to buy more goods than they used to. In conclusion,
although
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 the number of increasing online
shops
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 will be a
tendency
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trend
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 in the future, we cannot deny that real
shops
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 or supermarkets
are still
Correct word order
still have a
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 valuable
to
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role to
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exist
Verb problem
play
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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 because they can simultaneously serve the gereral publics in different ways, that will be the best outcome.

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task response
Task response: Your main view is clear in the start, but the end changes your position. You say you strongly agree, but your conclusion says real shops are still valuable. Keep one clear view from start to end.
task response
Task response: Answer the full question more directly. Explain why all or almost all shops may close, or why some will stay open. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are good, but some are too general. Add one more clear example, such as food shops, clothes shops, or small town shops.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links are good, like 'The primary reason' and 'An additional reason'. But some sentences are too long and join many ideas with commas. Make shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The last paragraph is not fully clear because it gives a different idea from the body. Make sure the conclusion matches the points above.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some reference words are not clear, for example 'they' in 'they can bring long-term economic advantages'. Say exactly who 'they' are.
task response
Task response: You give a clear answer in the introduction and you try to support it with two main reasons: ease and money.
task response
Task response: You use an example about buying a car online. This helps show your point in a real way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to follow in general because each body paragraph has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use basic linking words well, such as 'However', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
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