IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In most countries, prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most widespread deterrent methods is inprisonments on the world. There is a belief that if these offenders had
decent
Correct article usage
a decent
show examples
 level of
education
Use synonyms
, they most likely would not commit any crime. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate has
direct
Correct article usage
a direct
show examples
 impact on people's
likeliness
Replace the word
likelihood
 to attempt to do any harm to others. First of all, one of the reasons that the root cause of crimes aligns with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 educated people
have generally
Correct word order
generally have
show examples
 higher moral values.
That is
Linking Words
 because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the more they learn, the better they broaden their horizon. Even though they might not have a examplary rol model
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their household, they can still learn about integrity
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 compassion through reading a lot of books.
For example
Linking Words
, a child growing up in a family that parents are hardened criminals, he or she can still protect their psychology from their influence by reading about social norms, rights and wrongs. The other reason to commit a crime is to
privade
Correct your spelling
provide
 their basic needs. In some cases, poverty makes even
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 honest person
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
steal,
for instance
Linking Words
, to feed their children or afford medical care.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 again is considered
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 cause that if they had some academic
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
,
whey
Correct your spelling
they
 would most probably have enough salary to
prived
Correct your spelling
provide
 their loved ones with basic necessities. In conclusion, people break the law for
sevral
Correct your spelling
several
 reasons
such
Linking Words
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of morality and no source of income.
Education
Use synonyms
 is an ultimate solution for both of the cases.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain your ideas more fully and show why education can stop crime in more ways.
task response
For task response, add one more clear example with real life detail. Your child in a crime family example is good, but it needs more support and clearer link to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To improve, make each body paragraph begin with one simple main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some links between ideas are weak or not smooth. Use simple linking words well, such as first, also, because, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts are hard to follow because of word form and grammar mistakes. Shorter sentences will help your ideas sound clearer and easier to read.
task response
You answer the question and clearly say that you agree.
task response
You include two main reasons: moral learning and better work chances.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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