IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, think that this would have little effect on public health. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that governments should spend more funds to increase
gyms
Check wording
gym
show examples
 and
sport
Replace the word
sports
 facilities to enhance citizens’ health.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that improving health
is required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 more than places for exercising.Both ideas have logical sense, but I strongly agree with the necessity of spreading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness about maintaining healthy habits in order to be healthy and active. First of all, building more gyms and parks all around the city will
smoothly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
help
people
Use synonyms
in starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 a healthy lifestyle,
such
Linking Words
 as daily walking , yoga , and weight-lifting.
Also
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can
prevent
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the chances of getting heart disease by walking 30 minutes
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
. These activities will show
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant progress for
people
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue that doing exercise without eating healthy food and preventing detrimental habits, like smoking , will not make a sufficient difference.
For example
Linking Words
, studies show proved evidences in the importance of cutting sugar and alcohol for maintaining
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Follow
Wrong verb form
Following
show examples
 these steps will decrease the possibility of getting a serious disease .That will
assists
Wrong verb form
assist
show examples
 humans to live for a long time and allow their offspring to live in a better environment. In conclusion, all these ideas could be reasonable ,but I think we should support the ideas of rising the awareness among
youth
Correct word choice
young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to help them
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 any future issues
whicg
Correct your spelling
which
 they might face.Eating healthy food and
exercise
Replace the word
exercising
 every week is a great way to decrease problems,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and improve mental and physical health.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Give one full idea for each side, then your opinion.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Keep the same view in all parts.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and real. Explain how each example supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences stop too fast or do not link well to the next one.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used some examples about walking, food, sugar, and smoking.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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