the government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to reduce the voilent crimes. to what extent do you agree or disgaree

The administration should manage the quantity of
aggressive
Replace the word
aggression
in
films
Use synonyms
and on
television
Use synonyms
in
command
Use the right word
order
show examples
to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aggressive
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss the extent to which I agree with the view On the one hand, the
government
Use synonyms
increased
violence
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
want
this
Linking Words
topic
watched
Verb problem
to be watched
show examples
a
Change preposition
in
show examples
films
Use synonyms
and on
television
Use synonyms
. Every person's have a law and the
government
Use synonyms
should fall an aggressive.
People
Use synonyms
should obey the laws
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
is very important.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
ignore these matters and act
according to
Linking Words
their own will.
This
Linking Words
is wrong.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the administration should take measures to fix
this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
should take responsibility for regulating media
content
Use synonyms
and encouraging the production of educational and inspirational programs that promote positive values.
On the other hand
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
films
Use synonyms
help
regarding
Change preposition
with
show examples
human change
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
ought to watches inspiration videos and
films
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, excessive
violence
Use synonyms
in
films
Use synonyms
and
television
Use synonyms
can negatively influence
people
Use synonyms
’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
and attitudes. When individuals are repeatedly exposed to
such
Linking Words
content
Use synonyms
, they may begin to see
violence
Use synonyms
as normal or acceptable in everyday life.
This
Linking Words
can reduce their sensitivity to the harm caused by crimes and make them more likely to act aggressively.
For instance
Linking Words
, young viewers might imitate what they see on screen without fully understanding the consequences. In conclusion, each
Use synonyms
violence
Check wording
act of violence
show examples
can cause harm to
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can have a negative impact on individuals’
future
Check wording
futures
show examples
and cause emotional and psychological harm. Some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
violence
Use synonyms
in
films
Use synonyms
and
television
Use synonyms
is harmless,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
strongly agree that it should be controlled by the
government
Use synonyms
. Excessive exposure to violent
content
Use synonyms
can negatively influence
people
Use synonyms
’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, especially the younger generation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, strict regulations and the promotion of positive
content
Use synonyms
are essential to build a safer and more responsible society. Sevinch

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task response
Answer the question more directly from the start. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph and explain it more fully.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and real. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
Avoid repeating the same idea about violence. Add new points in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the conclusion.
task response
You used one example about young viewers copying what they see.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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