IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organistions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is evident that some individuals
work
Use synonyms
 for the same corporation
all
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
career
Correct word choice
entire career
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that it is beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 for various
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 both perspectives have their own benefits, I agree with the second view as working in different workplaces allows employees more opportunities to go
further
Linking Words
 in their career path. On the one hand, working for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one company has several benefits that can attract many
people
Use synonyms
, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are used to stability and familiar with the same
work
Use synonyms
 culture. It is true that everybody has to pay bills to survivie and for
some
Punctuation problem
some,
show examples
 it is the perfect way to stay in their jobs for years to support their families.
Moreover
Linking Words
, companies value experienced workers as they can be a great help in training new staff.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 employees who
worked
Verb problem
have worked
show examples
 for a long time in a company receive extra bonuses and their salaries are higher compared to new members.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is better to
work
Use synonyms
 for different
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 as it is one of the best ways to develop communication and networking
skills
Use synonyms
. In our contemporary world, many employers require
people
Use synonyms
 with perfect
organizational
Change the spelling
organisational
show examples
 and technical
skills
Use synonyms
. These
skills
Use synonyms
 can be learned by exposing
themselves
Fix the agreement mistake
oneself
show examples
 in different workplaces.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in various locations can build
networking
Replace the word
a network
 that can be significant for their future career. It is worth
to mention
Wrong verb form
mentioning
show examples
 that switching jobs better
suit
Correct subject-verb agreement
suits
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 rather than
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation, as they are more spontaneous and are willing to learn more. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 working for the same company
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 benefits like stability and
valued
Replace the word
valuable
 experience, changing
work
Use synonyms
 frequently better suits younger
people
Use synonyms
 and helps them to improve their
skills
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You did this, but the second side has a bit more support than the first side.
task response
Give one clear real example for each main idea. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the end and keep the same idea all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Your essay is easy to follow, but some lines can connect more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word order, because small mistakes sometimes make the flow less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point a little more before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are mostly easy to follow.
task response
Your topic stays on point from start to end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: