In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In modern society, life has changed a great deal, especially in how
people
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communicate in many workplaces. Some
people
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believe that online communication is common.
However
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, other
people
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believe that meeting face to face is useful.
Thus
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, both ideas have significant
points
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.
This
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assay will provide key information to support the topic. On one hand, in terms of the advantages,
according to
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the primary point. Online communication has many positive
points
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.
This
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is
due to
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many reasons. Saving money is one of the most common reasons. It can decrease the cost of workplaces
such
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as the office , the tools and the files.
Moreover
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, saving time is another main benefit.
This
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means the worker uses a new online system.
As a result
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, the tasks finish faster.
For example
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, the bank uses the important paper online . All these
points
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support the income and the outcome of the work
On the other hand
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, in terms of the disadvantages,
according to
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the secondary point. The face-to-face meeting has many negative
points
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.
This
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is
due to
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many reasons. Making the time happy is the main point.
This
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means the worker can enjoy and learn at the same time. Not only that, but it can
also
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improve direct and indirect skills.
As a result
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, it increases the hard work.
For example
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, the modern personal tools have increased the job dramatically. In conclusion, in terms of advantages and disadvantages,
according to
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the given data, there are major benefits.
However
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, there are main harmful
points
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.
Thus
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, the worker recommends
people
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follow the tips for a positive result and the best outcome.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Use ideas that match the question. In body 2, you talk about why face-to-face meeting is good, but the paragraph says it is about disadvantages. This makes the answer unclear.
task response
Give fuller support for each main idea. Explain how online talk saves money and time with clear steps and real work cases.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear topic sentence for each paragraph. Then add 2 or 3 linked sentences that stay on the same point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and correct way. Use words like first, also, for example, however, and so, but do not use long set phrases that do not add meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and meaning. Some lines are hard to follow, so make each sentence short and direct.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both sides of the topic, which shows good effort.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words like however, moreover, for example, and in conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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