IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It has been observed that many individuals are becoming
Use synonyms
fitness conscious
Correct your spelling
fitness-conscious
 nowadays. Many individuals claim that
people
Use synonyms
 are more inclined
of having
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 a
fitness
Use synonyms
 coach to keep healthy,
instead
Linking Words
 of engaging themselves in other activities
such
Linking Words
 as yoga and sports. There are multiple reasons behind
this
Linking Words
. In my opinion, it is a positive trend and would benefit
people
Use synonyms
 in many ways. My inclination will be justified in the ensuing paragraphs,
along with
Linking Words
 the causes.
Analyzing
Change the spelling
Analysing
show examples
 the reasons, the foremost one is that
Use synonyms
fitness
Correct article usage
a fitness
show examples
 coach holds
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of certifications about their profession, encouraging more
people
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 to develop trust
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them. They provide a tailored
fitness
Use synonyms
 plan based on an individual's goals,
fitness
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 level, medical history, and preferences.
This
Linking Words
 level of
customization
Change the spelling
customisation
show examples
 is hard to get in a group setting or
while
Linking Words
 playing sports. There are multiple advantages of having a personal trainer. The foremost one is that they not only guide
people
Use synonyms
 about different exercises but
also
Linking Words
 help them by making a diet plan.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
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 can get faster results and feel motivated about
tedious
Correct article usage
the tedious
show examples
 process.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research from Oxford
university
Fix capitalization
University
show examples
 states that
people
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 get better gains if they opt for one-on-one training.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 get motivated and feel confident both throughout the session and after the session
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 would benefit them in other areas as
well
Punctuation problem
well,
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as in the workplace. In conclusion, despite many
people
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claim
Wrong verb form
claiming
show examples
 that other options of getting fit would be effective
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as regular exercise or playing
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
 range of sports, I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of having a personal trainer should not be
overlooked
Punctuation problem
overlooked,
show examples
 as they would be very helpful to
feel
Correct word order
help people feel
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 confident and motivated.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain the reasons, but your view on why this is good needs a bit more depth.
task response
Add one more clear reason why people choose a trainer, such as time saving or personal attention.
task response
Your example is helpful, but it is a bit general. Make it more exact or explain it more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas link well, but a few sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your main idea more easily.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You explain one main reason well: trainers give personal plans for each person.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is organized into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'Moreover', 'Consequently', and 'In conclusion' to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
What to do next:
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